Im 5 months into my recovery. I was doing my step work every day when i started. Kinda stopped for 2 months, and just picked the packet back up. Im on the Surrender section, and the question is Do I accept that I'll never regain control, even after a long period of abstinence? My answer is no. I am not convinced that I will never be able to drink a few beers, or smoke a little weed without my life spinning our of control again. My problem is with cocaine. I know that, and i never want to be back where I was. As of now, I am still clean, and plan on staying clean at least until i am off probabtion in 2014. My work in recovery has changed my life and I feel better now than i ever have. This leads me to the next question in the guide. Can I begin my recovery without a complete surrender? this is where i want some input. Can I just skip this surrender thing and go on to the next part of recovery? do i just give up on the work, and continues staying clean for now on my own?
No one can answer that for You. Maybe you are not an Addict. For me smack was my drug of choice. But it was Mother Nature's herb that brought me to me knees when I committed myself to a 6 month inpatient therapautic community back in the 70s. It was psycho babble based not 12 Step. I was taught if I learned what made me tick I could use socially and maintain control. I graduated, I was "cured". For a spell it seemed to work. But Herb and Brew brought me back down in due time. I found my way to these rooms.
My name is Mike, I am an Addict who suffers from the disease of Addiction and must abstain from all drugs in order to Recover. Clean by the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God by the Power of NA for 32 years.
To answer your question: The Steps are the Steps, I cannot pick and choose what elements apply to me, ALL the Steps are my roadmap for Recovery. If you do not Surrender then no you have not finished Step One.
-- Edited by Mike M on Monday 15th of July 2013 09:48:28 AM
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Step One says we admitted that we were powerless over our ADDICTION, that our lives had become unmanageable.
It doesn't say we were powerless over one particular drug.
For me, I was not able to use in moderation. When I tried to use in moderation, this always led me back to using several times a day. When I tried just doing other drugs in moderation, this always led me back to the drug I thought I had a problem with.
For me, I know that I can't use any mind or mood altering drug in moderation. I do not maintain the fantasy that one day I will be able to. But I focus on staying clean just for today; I don't worry about the rest of my life.
Maybe you're different. Maybe you can use in moderation. If so, good luck on that.
Hello and Welcome to MIP! I am an addict named Mike...
Glad you stopped in and sharing your concerns and truly a blessing you are still clean..(we talk of Reservations in our program of Narcotics Anonymous,that is a reason conscious or even subconscious to use again after we have stopped e.g. I am clean until I get off probation in 2014,a personal choice.This kind of reminds me during my 25 years of active addiction how I used to stop and say II'll clean up now and once I got it together I'll go back ,use differently ,be in control,use different substances etc,for this addict it didn't work)
For me, it wasnt just relinquishing the drink or the drug, it was relinquishing everything I had ever known: my self-will, my defiance, and the old behaviors of a selfish life. And I had to accept that they were all a part of the disease I came to know as addiction.. It wasnt an easy proposition. First, I had to surrender to the idea that I was powerless(the driving force in my life was beyond my control,once I picked up it was off to the races a downward spiral) over all of it: the first drink or drug(alcohol is a drug) and its precipitating behaviors. I used for power(over my inhibitions,block out stuff,give me courage,just liked the feeling of getting high,not the results in the end as they got worse and worse etc) and when I was being asked to surrender that I thought I wouldn't know how to live,everyone I knew used ,I had used since I was a child of 11 years old in some form or another) People around(3 wives,4 children,parents,even friends and some me suggested I find another power, one which wasnt drugs and wasnt me.It had to start with my acceptance of utter defeat(based on 25 years of evidence)that no matter how I tried I couldn't stay stopped and I was willing to do whatever it took (for me) and that was surrender and complete abstinence from all mind altering ,mood changing substances,acceptance of guidance from a Power greater than myself (whom I always called God,but my relationship changed thru the years)and living my life the NA way ,that is application of spiritual principles in all areas of my life,guided by God and giving back to the best of my ability,a day at a time..This is a lot of I;s here (my stuff) but I found our Solution in the program of Narcotics Anonymous ,The Steps,worked with a sponsor,was the God of my understandings continuing guidance and giving back helping others was part of my own help..As stated only you can decide for yourself,You can continue on ,there are many roads to recovery or Like myself and many others of our Program WE decided that surrendering was really just taking our lives in a new and different direction,one of not using and finding a new way to live..Thanks for the help today in reminding me that I also thought I could manage my life once I got clean and spent close to 3 decades ,out on the tiles being proved wrong..Our 2nd Step tells us that in order to achieve ongoing recovery coming to believe is necessary,that there is a vacuum left by our admission and surrender in the 1st step and many have passed over this step only to find the next steps didn't work..Choosing parts to incorporate or leave out of the steps isn't the design we are told STEP 1 is the only Step WE truly do 100%.Surrender is what happens when we accept the 1st Step is something that is true for us and we have accepted recovery is the solution We are also told that Resignation is what we feel when we've realized we are addicts but haven't accepted recovery as the solution to our problem.Only you know that..?...I would also hope you have a sponsor to talk with and share your concerns.WE here only share our own ESH,thats all WE have.....No big I's or little U's here,just one addict reaching out to another in a loving and caring manner.Hope to hear more from you,Just For Today,don't use and more is constantly being revealed.....Peace
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I do have a sponsor, but havent had a chance to speak with him yet, these thoughts all just solidified in my head late last night. I think though, that I cannot truly finish step one right now. I have not fully surrendered, and i cant just flick that switch in my brain. I learn from experience, and it may mean that i need to try moderation out to know whether the works or doesnt work for me. I am going to continue the stepwork, either repeating step one, or maybe starting the work on step two, but I am not ready to say I have fully surrendered to the program. thank you for your love and support
Hello empirecat and welcome to our recovery forum. It is my opinion that you should work the steps to the best of your current ability. By that I mean answer the questions in the workbook at a steady pace being honest and go on to the next question or section. Work in concert with your sponsor, but unless he tells you otherwise, and with good reason, keep at it. Doing one question every day is a great way to stay connected. I say 'work" the steps because "living" them is a whole different matter. By working them daily, attending meetings, prayer/meditation, sponsor and reading NA literature you begin to get steeped in this drug free and spiritual way of life. I'll share an experience with you. I did step 2 on my knees and with all the sincerity I could muster at the time. But it wasn't untill step 7 when I humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings that I, in fact actually "lived" step 2 In other words....It was the act of working step 7 that caused me to "live" step 2 I had truly "come to believe" So while other well meaning people may suggest otherwise, I always suggest to keep going Wishing you all success in your recovery. Keep coming back dude.
Somewhere in our lit it says that if your idea of recovery is to get it together so you can party in the future...that it's not going to end well for you.
