hi everyone...im not a user....although ive had my time in the past I haven't gotten into the hard drugs that make this hell possible...what I am asking for is some advice on how to approach things with my gf/exgf. she is a heroin addict and bipolar as well..dating for about 3 years on and off through the craziness...she has recently(as in almost a month ago) went into a detox and now is living in a sober house...this last time I found out that she had been cheating on me for about two months with a guy who would get her dope all the time. I have forgiven her for that and am here for the support...at times I don't really know the right thing to say or do and how to show her the support she needs...when she first was at the house she asked me to go to house meetings and I say not..its a regret now as maybe I could have learned a thing or two about their struggle...not that I don't understand...I was kicked out of the military and spent a few years in jail for selling e and stuff about 10 years back..since then ive straightened out my life, gone back and gotten a degree and have a good job...not that im looking for kudos but just so you know im not naïve to the whole thing...yesterday she told me that she needs space to think about everything and that this is to much for her to deal with and that she needs to focus on her sobriety...selfish me thinks that this could work with us together and then the more I read on here is that the person should stay out of a relationship for at least a year....I can deal with that as long as shes not hooking up with someone in there but I guess if shes really doing the steps there should be none of that going on....I guess my question is...how long do people think that a relationship should be put on hold for and do they come back...she has so much guilt for what shes done and I try and say that I forgive her for it but im sure that she still holds onto things...so whats my move here? how do I show her that I want to work things out and be the support that she needs....I am going to write a letter saying most of what ive said here so that she know where im coming from and that im here but is there anything else? thanks in advance for any advice.....

I agree about you going to naranon,it may help you in your situation.

Good luckt to you

Hi friend.
My name is Raman and Im an addict.
Addiction is betrayal, pain and doom- gloom and one fine day or night ( as the case may be), it's BOOM: Jails, Institutions or death.

And suffering the addicts suffering is family, friends and associates, for no good reason.

I am Moved (by the God of my Understanding, The Force that keeps us addicts clean and serene), to say to you :                                                                             "It's time to move on".

She wont be healed overnight, neither can you transform your outlook in a jiffy. Addiction thrives on blame, denial and ignorance.                                                        Addicts that just got clean don't usually gain self- acceptance and admission of wrongs till about a year or so of sustained recovery with regular attendance at NA meetings.

Recovery is a long and winding road: gotta be patient, persevering and pointed.

You've yourself had a miraculous turnaround, and are a very courageous guy.
You can walk away and let go with love and understanding. Heartbreaking perhaps, but maybe the best decision both of you make for long term freedom.

Comes to mind these lines
"if you truly love someone, then love them and set them free. And then if they should come back, it was meant to be".

Simple choice friend. If she changes, then you have a real human being to love.
Otherwise, you are left struggling with junk, and diminishing your own life.

Nar-Anon and Coda meetings are top priority now.
You dont have to face addiction alone.

And having shared all of that.........Thanks for letting me share.

-- Edited by Raman on Thursday 20th of June 2013 05:30:00 AM

lol I hate filling those things out.....what you don't believe I can be 113? my young spirit keeps me feeling young

so i wasn't able to make a nan-anon meeting this week...im going to def make this weeks...do any of you know how they might be helpful even if we aren't together? will they give me some insight on her behavior or what? there isnt to much reading on the web about it...of course i could be looking in the wrong place.....so ive decided today to stop answering her calls....she was the one who initiated the break last sunday yet ive been getting calls about every other day this week...today was the last straw for me when she made plans to see me later today and then never called at all...not even to say he i cant make it or anything....seems like she still cant figure out that stuff like that hurts me and makes me feel like crap....one day if she can get herself together i would consider dating again but it seems like all i am right now is a convenience or someone who is there when she wasn't to tell an outside person all the good that she is doing...why is it so hard for her to look past herself and realize that its not hard to tell the truth and say hey i cant see you today or hey i don't want to talk....im a big boy..i can accept the space thing....i cant accept being told one thing though and doing another..is it the addict or the person or both...next time the phone rings decline will be hit