Reaching out is the beginning of the struggle that will set us free. It will break down the walls that imprison us.
Basic Text, p. 83
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Many of us came to NA emotionally shattered. Years of using people and allowing them to use us had taken their toll on our ability to trust anyone, ourselves included. But the love and acceptance we found in Narcotics Anonymous encouraged us to reach out and get close to others.
The longer we stayed clean, the more we began to long for greater intimacy with our loved ones. We began reaching out in deeper, more meaningful ways, even though we might get hurt. Despite our fears of rejection, we decided to risk revealing ourselves, our beliefs, and our needs. We decided to let down our defensive walls.
The freedom weve found has been worth the risk involved. We know there is still work to do before we will be completely free of the barriers built by years of active addiction. But by reaching out to other addicts and allowing them to reach out to us, despite our human failings, we have come to know that we have a great capacity for love and intimacy. When set free of their restraining walls, our hearts hold great power.
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Just for today: I will let down my personal walls and reach out to others. I will allow my heart the freedom to love and be loved.
I built many walls using, but I have built many more since getting clean. My sponsor taught me that we don't have enemies in narcotics anonymous but I had to learn that for myself. Several months ago a group of people showed up at group conscience because we were discussing if we were going to continue to sign court papers. This was the only time I had seen them at group conscience . Our discussion over court papers turned into a heated exchange and the issue was tabled. Then they were bringing up things I had said in meetings while sharing and were holding discussions on it in the middle of the business meeting. They were bringing my personal shares into group conscience like it was new business! Obviously, we tried to tell them that group conscience isn't the forum for such things (nor is any other), but they continued. Since our meetings are overwhelming court ordered, they actually had the majority. The evening ended with them "voting me out of NA"! We never saw them at a group conscience again and , of course, I wasn't "kicked out", but I did get a good resentment out of it. When I saw these people in meetings I would have many strong, negative emotions. It even kept me from sharing several times and I would never speak to them socially or engage them with recovery in mind. I got over it and they all stopped coming to the meeting I attend. It took me a while to realize that they are the rule, not the exception. This is how addicts behave and I was pushing them away for acting the way I did when I came in. Recently, a few of these guys have started attending my group again. I have actually made friends with one and we have spent time at the lake and other non-NA outings together. Another gentlemen, the one who actually "put my NA membership to a vote" :), is coming fairly regularly. There has been no mention of our group conscience fiasco and I have been actively listening to him when he shares. As it turns out, we have shared many similar experiences in life. Hep C, losing custody of our children, etc. Lately, I have trying to find common ground with him in recovery. It's turning out to be a journey in itself. My sponsor was right in the end. I don't have enemies in Narcotics Anonymous, just addicts like me.
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***All Thought is Meditation***All Action is Prayer***
Hi Kaz, Welcome to MIP... thanks for sharing. No doubt about it. We don't get the healthy ones in NA I'm glad you are able to find some points of identification with someone you originally didn't get along with. It's all about spiritual growth.
