It really annoys me sometimes when I hear addicts talk about their drug of choice. It is like they think that they really only had a problem with a particular drug.
I've heard the following recently from a newcomer:
"Yeah, I wasn't really an addict until I started doing opiates. Before then, I smoked pot every day and got drunk on the weekends, but everything was fine. It was opiates that put me over. That's when I really spun out of control. However, I realize that I can't smoke pot or drink because this would lead me back to opiates."
The problem I see with this attitude is that the person is focusing too much on one particular drug and its effects. They seem to be implying that if they could just smoke pot everyday and get drunk on the weekends that everything would be fine. What they don't realize is that this lifestyle would also be addictive drug use.
Addiction, for me, has to do with the role that drugs played in my life: they were at the center of my life; they controlled my life. My whole life and thinking was centered on drugs in one form or another. Yes, I liked some drugs better than others, but the truth is that I could be addicted to just about any of them, because I am an addict.
While I understand your feelings, and your feelings are your feelings, for me it is not to judge another's Journey in Recovery. Indeed NA deals with the Disease of Addiction rather than any specific drug or drugs. Yet each person's Journey has it's own beginnings.
I didn't enter the doors brimming with understanding, I entered the doors loaded and attended meetings daily loaded until the burden was lifted. Now 32 years Clean and sure I have a much greater understanding of the precepts of Narcotics Anonymous and of the disease of addiction, which I can but share as my path, my Journey of Recovery. We can only lead where someone wishes to follow, we can only lead by example and attraction not ideology thumping.
While once upon a time I swore if ever I was to commit suicide it would be one and only one way: get the best China White and slam a fatal OD. The ultimate permanent escape. Yet it was good 'ol Mother Nature Herb that in the end brought me to my knees in Surrender and the rooms of NA for good not smack. This I would share and in greater detail, for it is part of my Journey, not that what they now think and feel is in error to the NA Way.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I guess what I'm really saying here is that I also used to think that my problem was with one particular drug. Then I saw it was with other drugs too. Finally, I realized my problem was addiction. This is a process that people go through, I think, as they recover.
I think it's pretty common for newcomers to identify with a particular drug. It takes a while before they get educated to the point where they realize that addiction is the problem, not a specific substance. Often it takes a number of relapses before that reality sinks in. All we can do is share our experience with 'wrong' thinking, then be patient. and yes, unfortunately it is part of the process for many young addicts.
Yes I always related to our BT's statement that"its our reaction to drugs that makes us addicts ,not how much we use..For this addict,whether it was rorer 714's mixed with alcohol or crank,herb laced with pcp ,buttons for days long trips or you name it once started it always ended with the obsession and compulsion of taking the run to the end.Usually not ending well.(institutions,jail,divorces,loss of jobs and deriliction to name a few. I definitely suffered from addiction,though I preferred some drugs to others,ups,downs out of there's you name it,I knew in the end my only salvation was no mind altering mood changing substances( including cough medicine,phenyl sulfates,muscle relaxers etc without the awareness of I'm using or following scripts)As WE grow in our recoveries more is always revealed.....Happy fathers day to all.......
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I tend to agree , those words Drug of Choice . We are all here because we had a substance problem , that cover all things that get you messed up . To some newcomers talking about drugs is a trigger.We all know why we found NA,it has saved many of us from death.
This is a pretty thought provoking discussion, so I'm wading in yet again. Alcohol is a big point of confusion, especially for newcomers. Our program is not confused about this "alcohol is a drug" Yet there are those among us, myself included who never had a problem with alcohol. I can have a beer, a glass of wine, or even a hard liquor cocktail, and stop at one or two. As a young man my friends and I divided the world into "heads" who used drugs, and "juicers" who used alcohol. We of course felt superior. But my point is that there are many in the fellowship who will not have an abusive relationship with every addictive substance we come into contact with. That is not to say that we are not addicts, because we are....that obsessive/compulsive cycle is alive and well in us. But the 'disease of addiction' covers alot of territory. Gambling, sex, food, even work can become addictive. We who have the disease, must be vigilant about all things addictive, and in the spirit of "keep it simple" should avoid danger, but it's just incorrect to assume that every addict you see at a meeting is addicted to every mind or mood altering substance. Life is often more complicated than that.
Indeed a complex subject. I often here talking about drugs is a trigger for some newcomers (and oldtimers!). I can definitely understand glorifying and talking about the good ol' days before using became hell not being the best way to share. Yet numerous times over the years I've had a newcomer come up and thank me after talking in detail about my living hell of cold turkey from smack, every cell of my body freezing from the inside out, puking green stomach bile for days unable to even keep water down and other fun stuff! Or my feeling of "mourning" when my tracks faded away, how it made them feel like they belonged and weren't so different or unique after all. Not things I talk about often to be sure yet sometimes the spirit moves me to share such gory details which can in fact be rather drug specific. I firmly believe sometimes there is too great a push to homogonize the message and our sharing. Not everyone will relate with everyone and their Journey no matter what. And I believe it's hard to relate to generalities when you're near dying just entering the rooms. Real gut level sharing of your past pain and degradations makes it through their fog. And can give them hope as you also share your Journey to how different it is today.
No easy answers. Yet one day at a time we do recover from the horrors of active addiction by the Grace of HP through the Power of Narcotics Anonymous when care and share the NA Way.
My names Mike, I'm a grateful Recoverying Addict. There but by the Grace of God go I.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I tend to agree , those words Drug of Choice . We are all here because we had a substance problem , that cover all things that get you messed up . To some newcomers talking about drugs is a trigger.We all know why we found NA,it has saved many of us from death.
Gosh, I'm so glad you said this. I was reading these posts, desperate to hang on to my 7 days off of opiates and just salivating. I haven't introduced myself, I'm Paige. I thought, before I read your post, that I was just completely screwed. I threw my keys (both sets) up on the roof yesterday. Because I started having bad thoughts. I'm still shakey, any attempts to retrieve them would surely end in disaster for me. My sweet husband (20 yrs Sober) got them down and locked them up at my request. I've been doing this off and on since cancer. I was really just trying to detox myself off Subutex, by using Roxis. Dumb, DEE DUMB DUMB DUMB. THAT hairbrained idea ended 11K and 7 mos later, with me sick as crap. I hate withdrawal; always been scared to death of it. Every time it came time to jump, I'd flip out. I started buying on the streets and re learned FAST that 1 is never enuff and 1000 is too many. It was BS to go inpatient because they'd detox me using an opiate and here we go again. Honestly, because of my health, nobody wanted to detox me. But Subs make me a slave all the same. So, I've made it out alive... Been super depressed, but forced fluids and TODAY is the first day I haven't had explosive diarrhea. Sorry if TMI...
HI Paige, and welcome to MIP. I'm so glad you came here to share your story. May I suggest that you introduce yourself via a new thread? This one is kind of old and some people may miss it. Thanks again for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Just remember. You never have to feel this way again. Keep coming back.
I would like to add my personal experience on this topic, because it is kind of where I am at in my journey today. I started out in AA Jan.3,1989, and was introduced to the steps of recovery at New Hope Woman's Center in Pasadena Texas. I did as suggested and managed to compile a few days sober. At 2 months I felt that I had found something that was working for me. How ever I couldn't see how it was my thinking that was messed up, and how my being pissed off at someone for what they did to me had anything to do with my needing to look at my self. It took 18 years of bouncing back and fourth sponsors, and about a zillion desire chips before I saw my first year sober. 18 years ya'll. Now I have been around recovery a total of 24 years 6 months and 8 days. All of those years I would say that it's all the same disease, and working the steps and being honest with myself it didn't matter what my drug or drink of choice was. I had used the AA program as my program of recovery. It seemed to work for others. With all this time around the rooms I have to say. Today I am open to a new experience. There seems to be a bit of a difference between an alcoholic and the addict. I'm probably wrong, but I always thought we were the same with our preference being but a symptom. Today I guess I just don't know. My drug of choice was never alcohol. My body craved the meth. After doing so much for so long I found a new level of powerlessness. The same kind of powerless the alcoholics talk about in referencing how alcohol had turned on them. For me the meth has had complete control of my will. The cravings drive me out of my skin. I have never been able to get clean from it by going to AA. So... Today I am 2 days into trying this the NA way, as suggested by my AA Sponsor. I have had it, and the AA way worked for a little while. I picked up a desire chip and a key tag yesterday. I think today I will make it. I just have to remember it's one day at a time and keep an open mind for a new experience. My next step is picking up that 2 ton phone & using the phone list I got yesterday. If my sponsor who is coming up on 26 years says this is what I need, I have to accept that. I'm so glad I found this forum, and grateful for all the people who come here. With God's help I may make one more day. God Bless.
I would like to add my personal experience on this topic, because it is kind of where I am at in my journey today. I started out in AA Jan.3,1989, and was introduced to the steps of recovery at New Hope Woman's Center in Pasadena Texas. I did as suggested and managed to compile a few days sober. At 2 months I felt that I had found something that was working for me. How ever I couldn't see how it was my thinking that was messed up, and how my being pissed off at someone for what they did to me had anything to do with my needing to look at my self. It took 18 years of bouncing back and fourth sponsors, and about a zillion desire chips before I saw my first year sober. 18 years ya'll. Now I have been around recovery a total of 24 years 6 months and 8 days. All of those years I would say that it's all the same disease, and working the steps and being honest with myself it didn't matter what my drug or drink of choice was. I had used the AA program as my program of recovery. It seemed to work for others. With all this time around the rooms I have to say. Today I am open to a new experience. There seems to be a bit of a difference between an alcoholic and the addict. I'm probably wrong, but I always thought we were the same with our preference being but a symptom. Today I guess I just don't know. My drug of choice was never alcohol. My body craved the meth. After doing so much for so long I found a new level of powerlessness. The same kind of powerless the alcoholics talk about in referencing how alcohol had turned on them. For me the meth has had complete control of my will. The cravings drive me out of my skin. I have never been able to get clean from it by going to AA. So... Today I am 2 days into trying this the NA way, as suggested by my AA Sponsor. I have had it, and the AA way worked for a little while. I picked up a desire chip and a key tag yesterday. I think today I will make it. I just have to remember it's one day at a time and keep an open mind for a new experience. My next step is picking up that 2 ton phone & using the phone list I got yesterday. If my sponsor who is coming up on 26 years says this is what I need, I have to accept that. I'm so glad I found this forum, and grateful for all the people who come here. With God's help I may make one more day. God Bless.
Welcome to MIP. My name's Mike I'm an Addict. A grateful Recovering Addict by the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God through the Power of NA Clean 32 years. I was a hope to die dope fiend, I am powerless over addiction yet NA Works IF You Work it. Give yourself a break and hit 90 NA meetings in 90 days. It's hard to fall off the edge if you're in the center. The center is Service work. Get involved, start as simple as staying after meetings and helping clean up. Keep Coming Back.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
