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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Trying to get clean
Post Info TOPIC: Trying to get clean
Barbara Jean


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Trying to get clean
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Hi, I am desperate to get clean. I am addicted to opiate pain medication that I am getting over the internet. I have decided to taper off because when I tried to quit two weeks ago I got really sick. Anyway, I can't go to meetings in my area and would like the support of a group. I am committing to check in twice every day, just to report that I am still tapering, that I haven't quit and that I'm not trying but I am doing it. When I say to myself that I will try something, then I can fail and still say, well I tried. So I am making a commitment to actually do this. I will taper off all opiates by February 15. I will check in here twice a day and report that I am still at it. I will pray to my higher power for the courage and strength to get off these meds. In the past I have been waiting for a day just to feel ready to quit. That day will never come. I have chosen a date to be clean and am giving myself enough time to taper off. I quit smoking by chosing a date and just doing it, that's what I must do here. Anyway, my name is Barbara Jean and you will be hearing from me frequently. I need the support of everyone one of you to make this happen. I know that its one day at a time, and sometimes it will be one minute at a time. Barbara Jean

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lovelost


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as an addict myself, I understand exactly what you are going through, I am 23 days clean, the sickness is something that goes with the disease, as just being 23 days clean the hardest was the first week for me, remember ONE DAY AT A TIME, i put myself on a five minute clean time that helped alot, there is so much NA offers on the net, it is working for me.  I say the Serenity Prayer over and over alot that helps and praying helps me, try http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm, this helps, read, read, read, you will realize you have more time on your hands than you ever had before, but YOU are the one that makes that decision.  Thanks for letting me share! 

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GDL1756


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Welcome Barbara Jean,  Make NA your medicine. It has worked for me. Take it Day by Day. And most of all Keep Coming back no matter what!!!


Glenn



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jbradleybell


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Whew...Doing it the old fashioned way I commend you. I couldn't do it myself. If I had the pills I would do them. Had to go to detox. I wish you support and luck!

Brad B 12/14/86
http://jbradleybell.com

-- Edited by jbradleybell at 17:14, 2006-01-10

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Brad B 12/14/86 http://jbradleybell.com
Lon


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Welcome Home Barbara Jean,
I hope that you can attend face to face meetings at some point, there is nothing like that kind of personal contact to help bring us back to reality, and to make us know that we are not alone. If you are not attending meetings because you do not (Or someone else does not) consider yourself clean, remember the only requirement for membership in NA is a DESIRE to stop using.
Glad you have joined us,

Lon

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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
Barbara Jean


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Well its been about 6 hours and I'm still here, busy with work and life. I feel good that I am continuing the taper, didn't take more than I was scheduled to. I sure had the urge to use more but remembering that one is too many and there is never enough helps. Thanks for your supportive posts, I'll keep checking in and stay on track. Barbara Jean.

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Shell5


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I will say a prayer for you.  I had to get down on my knees and ask my Higher Power to help me, to take away the desire, to do it for me.  After I was lead into mt 3rd treatment center, I realized that He heard my prayers.  Today, I know that recovery is a program of action.  I must continue to take the necessary steps to stay sober..One Day At A Time.  That there is a certain Insanity that precedes the first toke, shot, drink or pill.  Without help it is too much for us.  Keep on the firing line.  If you can get some literature on recovery that will help too.  If you can get a sponsor in your area as well.   Good luck.

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LindaMarie


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My Name is Linda-Marie,


I am a Prescription Pain Med. Addict (sober 63 days) and a sober alcoholic (12 days).


I've been posing on StayingCyber.com for alcoholics, and it has changed my life in miraculous ways, just by sharing my storie(s) and reading others very similar to mine.


I was off drugs and alcohol for four years, then I had a blotched hernia operation, and spent the entire year 2005 on Perc and Vicidan... after my second operation, to fix the problem, the pain slowly got better and I no longer need the PM for pain, just for my addiction. I began to drink alc. once I couldn't get more pain med from my surgeon, then after a visit to my gyno about a month off the PM, I was given a prescription for Vicadan, which was refilled each month until the end of the year. I stopped in Jan '06, still with refills available to me. I slowly began to get my soul back once I got the med out of my system, but was still drinking until about the second week in Feb., when I just couldn't do it anymore.


Now I'm seeing psychiatrist who has me on xanax, which has taken away the cravings to drink, but, I at times still want the pain med, especially since my significant other is still a practicing drunk and I've tried but I can't get him to stop, he just won't listen. I don't want to stay on the xanax for good, but it has relieved me from unbelievable anxiety that sometimes shoots through the roof. And I rather take that for now just to get my life back.


I know about yoga, deep breathing, meditation, eating good, which I do most of the time, but it's very difficult living with someone who doesn’t want to get clean or even talk to me about it. Most of the time we keep our distance, sometimes not talking for weeks, its a living hell. But I am very fortunate to have found a great therapist who has given me the space to figure out why, I drank, and did drugs in the past, he has been one of my biggest stepping stones over the past 3 months (I’ve seen 2 other therapist who didn’t help me at all). 


I have Let God and Let Go and will continue to do so


That's all I have to say about that for now... thanks for letting me share with you.


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I’ve been meditating A LOT the past few days, I hope you like this poem I wrote, maybe it hits home in some way, as it did for me when I wrote it


on my wicked ways.



This is what I have learned about myself,


with some divine help...


A whisper within told me, "You need to feel your pain in order to see."



I said, "There's always some circumstance in my life when I'm hurting. I need to hide the pain with drugs, alcohol or anything of the sorts, that will make me forget, the pain in my head."


A whisper within told me, again, "You need to feel your pain in order to heal."


So I listened to the whisper and I felt the pain.


The whisper then told me, "You must say "NO" to the vises you’ve been taking to be numb to the pain you’ve hidden within."


Suddenly, I had a revelation, you know. I thought...


Maybe it is "OK" to cry, talk things out and work things through, because I'm Worthy as are YOU!


Once this stuff in my head I figured out, which took some time, I saw a light shining from without.


Then...


I cried and I cried some more.


And...


All of a sudden the heaviness in my body was gone, I felt as bright as pure sunlight.



QUICKLY I knelt down on my knees and thanked God in Heaven above for his Unconditional Lasting Love.


by me, Linda-Marie 2/28/06  ~;~


 

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