We want to be free of our guilt, but we dont wish to do so at the expense of anyone else.

Basic Text, p. 40

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Lets face it:  Most of us left trails of destruction in our wakes and harmed anyone who got in our way.  Some of the people we hurt most in our addiction were the people we loved most.  In an effort to purge ourselves of the guilt we feel for what weve done, we may be tempted to share with our loved ones, in gruesome detail, things that are better left unsaid.  Such disclosures could do much harm and may do little good.

The Ninth Step is not about easing our guilty consciences; its about taking responsibility for the wrongs weve done.  In working our Eighth and Ninth Steps, we should seek the guidance of our sponsor and amend our wrongs in a manner that wont cause us to owe more amends.  We are not just seeking freedom from remorsewe are seeking freedom from our defects.  We never again want to inflict harm on our loved ones.  One way to insure that we do not is by working the Ninth Step responsibly, checking our motives, and discussing with our sponsor the particular amends we plan to make before we make them.

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Just for today:  I wish to accept responsibility for my actions.  Before making any amends, I will talk with my sponsor.