I just came home from a NA meeting. Its my 7th one so far. Im on drug court and they require me to go. Granted, I've been clean for one and a half years already. My court case was lenthy and I had cleaned up long befoe i actually was officially given drug court. I find going to these meetings horrible. I dont want to hear other peoples stories. I can relate to them but would rather just put how things were when i used out of my mind. I got clean the old fashioned way, at home with great family support which i still have thankfully. In some ways going to these meetigs and being with people who are addicts is almost like a trigger. Does any of this make sense? Am I alone in this feeling?
Congratulations on staying clean for a year and a half, that is truly a blessing. I have not personally felt any urges to use being around addicts in meetings.There are many reasons we continue to attend meetings. It is said that Narcotics Anonymous is for people that want it and not necessarily need it.I believe its both..(my stuff)You have been court ordered(my now 27 year old son ,recovering heroin addict,also did a stint in Drug Court but didnt make it and was sent back to jail)he also didn't believe in the program and had other feelings about it...WE make meetings to share our ESH with others and try and carry the message of recovery, and I will be honest when there isnt a message of recovery being shared I tend to get antsy myself.(though it may be important for someone to share that there dog is not eating all their food, or they can't find there good shoes,etc)without tying it to recovery I may go into the "roll my eyes to the heavens syndrome" but I usually realize I may have to work a little more on tolerance or patience or just take a look inside,see where my stuff is at.I may not co-sign a thing you say but I will give you my direct attention... HONESTY we are told is the antidote to our diseased thinking so maybe if you make another meeting I could suggest you share your feelings there. You also didnt say if you have a sponsor and are working in our Solution,THE STEPS ,that we work to apply in all areas of our lives..WE attend also for the fellowship and the relationships we may incur(in your situation that seems to be a big part of your feelings.)Im am sure you are not alone in your feelings and ours is a program of suggestions .There are many different roads to recovery and only you can seek to find what works to help you remain free of active addiction.In the last 28 years of my daily recovery I have been extremely active and also extremely inactive but I always work daily to remain in the Solution, the program,the Steps ,guided by the God of my understanding and applied in those areas of my life that always need help.I truly believe ,that my healing began when I put down the drugs,but NA doesnt get us clean it is a program to help us live a different life ,free of addiction once we get clean. I could only suggest, getting a sponsor if you dont have one,maybe switch meetings to get a different perspective,share from your heart what your feeling and make a decision of how you are going to work your recovery going forward. WE are responsible for our own recoveries..Hope to hear back from you...wish you peace man..
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, i will be patient. I have no other choice being on drug court, for a while at least. Im sure I'll get use to the meetings even if it kills me LOL
I don't like forcing people to go to meetings. I understand that some people get clean because they were forced to go, but to stay clean you need to go because you want to go.
Try to identify with what people are saying in meetings instead of looking for ways that you are different from everyone else.
I have mixed feelings about people being required to go to meetings. We who got clean in NA sometimes make the mistake of thinking that our way is the only way. Clearly that is not the case. There are people who got clean and stay clean without meetings. It's also true that making friends in NA can be risky. I have seen it happen many times where a goup of newcomers hook up with each other, they go to meetings and hang out after wards, becoming close. Then one relapses and BANG they all go out. It happens. That being said, NA is the ONLY way for many of us. I am one of those people. I used off and on for years. I too, was able to get clean on my own and remain abstinant for varying periods of time, but I could never stay clean...I would always go back. Then I found the rooms of na and most importantly I worked the steps with an NA sponsor and changed my life. I never have to use again. I'm glad you posted this...It's important that we look at ourselves and our program with fearless honesty.
Thanks avid for the feedback. I concur, meetings are not the only way to stay clean but for some it is. I dont mind meetings and yes, their are some cool folks who attend. I just find using my time in other ways where I stay busy with things to keep me from using. For me, that's the key i believe. At least now it is. However, I must attend these meetings cause of drug court not to mention a bunch of other things they want me to do as well. Its okay though. I got myself into this and I can deal with it. As long as I stay clean, all things are possible. Be well bro.
No you definetly are not alone with that feeling. Dude we are addicts, it's normal and expected that we feel like using. Triggers or not, our addiction can convince us at any time that it's a good idea to go use. I have found though, that people who pray, work steps, read literature, talk to their sponsor, and go to a meeting all in one day, do not go get high!
Many have found that meetings is where we find recovery. Some come high, some go get high. As long as they come there is hope. Please don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens!
