God rest Aja's soul in peace Dave... I know the feelings mate....
Your share reminds me of my pet Labardor, a Great Gift in recovery. His name was Tiger.
He came into my life by surprise, a free gift from a well wisher. The best things in life are free, its said and Tiger proved it to be very true. For nearly 10 years, he entertained me, my family and friends. He loved everybody that came our way but was a great watchdog too.
And when me and family were transiting from one phase of life to another he moved on to Afterlife. Suddenly and without any warning. Ill never forget that morning; Id returned after 3 months in England and was due back there in a month. I was enjoying the visit to my family in Bangalore India. We had just had breakfast and making plans. This included my daughters studies, my mothers routine and my higher studies. Then suddenly Tiger took leave from the conversation (he had this wonderful habit of sitting and emoting with us) and then I noticed him stagger. I rushed to him and was aking him what was happeneing, and he didnt respond. Then my mother calls the doc who said to give him his tablet.
But it was too late. Tiger died in my lap as i held him. My daughter watched as i called out "no Tiger, hang on boy"......and then closed his eyes forever.......my boy had just died of a heart attack in his 12th year.
I relly felt powerlessness at that moment; i wanted to save him but couldnt. My soul felt torn.
Fact is he had gotten fatter than he was at home. Before this we lived in a grand old house with a nice, big garden and Tiger had lot of space. But then we did a deal with a real estate developer and that was good because it brought in cash and a new apartment. But the downside was we had to live in a smaller apartment for 18 months. The lack of space is why Tiger got fat, I think. And maybe being fatter than before done him in. Or maybe it was the "expiry date" factor and a natural end.
Dave, i never baulked at the feelings that came up...intense grief and sense of loss. This is one instance in recovery that I really cried. Three years later, I still feel sad at his passing.... and why ??? Ive never been loved unconditionally except by my mother, daughter and Tiger. The unconditional love that he gave me is Forever !!
(And, maybe Aja and Tiger get to meet in the Afterworld; being NA/ recovering people pets, theyd have a lot in common and loads to share !!!)
-- Edited by Raman on Wednesday 14th of November 2012 02:49:04 AM
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I had to put my best friend to sleep, and I'm just coming to terms with her passing. She really was special. Aja was a rescue dog who had a very hard life prior to finding her way into our lives. Right after we got her, she became very sic and had to go to Penn Vet. Hopsital. The local vet thought she was dying. Being my first dog, I didn't want to spend a lot of $$$ and have her still not get better. So I told my family "If it's $2,000 or more I am going to put her down". Never told the Doctors about that threshold!! The Vets examined her and lokked at me and said..."That'll be $1,950" The best money I ever spent. Someone told me.....Coindinesdences are our Higher Powers way of remaining anonymous!!
She was fixed right up, and lived with me for another 8 1/2 years. Got me thru my divorce and kept me company as we lived a full and actie life together. She went with me everywhere, and went to many meetings. She was the recovery girl, if anyone ever felt blue I encouraged them to pick her up and get some unconditional loving!! She wagged her tail until the very end.
In active addiction I did whatever I could to avoid feelings, would go around them, over them, around them, anything but through them. Through grace of my higher power, I am learning how to live THRU my feelings.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Personally I felt something must be wrong with me prior to her passing, cause I never realy cried for her. As we sat together having her last supper emotions started upwelling. I drove slowly (for once in my life) to the Vets, never wanting to arrive, wishing they ride would take longer. She jumped up and wagged her tail wanting to go inside. OMG it was happening, her tumor had taken over and it was time....Finally I felt the pain of letting go, real pain.
So the other day I sobbed at breakfast, and it felt good to actually feel an emotion instead of avoiding one. My higher power was allowing me to live thru her passing with strength and dignity. Thank you lord, and God Bless Aja B.
