Hello, I am new to the forum and new to drug addiction. My husband is in federal prison for conspircy to manufacture meth. When he was arrested and sent to prison we were not together. We meet when we were younger. When we went to high school we went our seperate ways. We met up again after 30 years of seperation and doing our own things. 2 years ago we got back together and I started to visit him in prison. We got married in Feb. of this year. He has started a drug program that was judge reccommended and will spend the next 9 months in the program and then come home. When I first started seeing him I thought that this would be a piece of cake, no problem. He will finish his time and we would go from there. Not knowing that I would fall back in love with him and start to talk about life after he got out. He wanted to get married so that when he came home he was coming home to his wife, best friend and be right in the eyes of God, which I understood so we got married. Last week he started the program and I knew that he would be busy with the work that is involved with the class. What I didn't expect was it to be the topic of 1/2 of our 4 hour visit and what an eye opener it was!!!!!. He wanted me to look up enabling to learn about it because he said that his life depended upon it. I told him a long time ago that if we were to get together and when he came home that if he ever thought about using drugs again or did start to use them again. I would take him back to prison and tell them to throw away the keys. Not only did I threaten him, so has his mom and my dad. He knows that if he goes back again that that is where he will live out the rest of his days. They will put him away for ever this time. The stuff that he told me really scared me. But looking at all the stuff I am not considered an enabler because we weren't together when he was using. He has been off drugs for almost 9 years now. He says that he doesn't think about using drugs again that I am the only high that he needs. I don't know what to do or where to turn or what. I feel so overwhelmed right now. I have 10 months to get my act together so that he can have a healthy life and so that we can have a healthy marriage. I guess I really didn't think things through when I agreed to marry him while he was still in prison. I wanted to do the right thing also by being married when he came home to have my husband come home to me and not my boyfriend. I have prayed for guidance in the decisions that I have made and felt that I was making the right choices and I still feel that I made the right choice. But now I am scared out of my mind with all of this. I really don't know what I am trying to say or what I want to get out of this I just needed to let all my feelings and anxieties out and I thought this would be a good place to start. Any suggestions or considerations will be taken into account. I am not looking for a pity party I am just looking for some answers. Thank you for reading this. God Bless all of you
I am an addict named Mike and the parent of a now 27 year old son in recovery from 7 long years of hard core heroin abuse.I can truly identify with your situation from both sides of the coin.There are a lot of anxieties that surround us when we are dealing in the world of addiction and recovery.I have been clean for decades(a day at a time) but when my son became addicted IT wreaked havoc through our family and his life, it truly shook my core.I found NAR-ANON a very helpful program to reenforce the idea that I DIDNT CAUSE IT,I CAN'T CONTROL IT AND I CANT CURE IT.I knew this from my own addiction but when things strike family members(KIDS) it sometimes gets a little blurred.I am an active member of both NA and NA-ANON. YOU can GOOGLE NAR-ANON.ORG fOR a meeting place near you(AL-ANON) is also a similar program only geared to friends and families of alcoholics(also a drug)You will learn about enabling behaviors,how to live your own life and be among a group of people just like you to share your feelings.It is also an anonymous program.You will learn not to "walk on eggshells" around your qualifier and with the grace and mercy of the God of your own understanding find peace and strength in a support group for yourself.It is not unusual for an addict working toward recovery to be caught up in the program,WE are obsessive/compulsive people.You can make ultimatums and rules but the addict has to continually want recovery and it is our responsibility to work toward that goal.NAR-ANON will allow you to learn how to set boundaries and abide by them.WE are addicts not because what we use or how often we use,but because of how we react to the substance,it makes us different then those who may be able to "be socially involved"Our program teaches us the methods to keep away from that 'FIRST ONE" but also how to incorporate a spiritual program(our STEPS and apply them to all areas of our lives.The difference between abstinence and recovery is very evident.Do yourself a favor,give NAR-ANON a shout,it will also help you give back to others in your situation.Our goal is to be of Maximum service to God and others,these programs afford the opportunity.I will lift you up in prayer and your husband also.Taking things a day at a time,the only thing we have,can help with your anxieities,I know as I cried myself to sleEp many nights in my own 25yrs of addiction and also my sons..THERE IS HOPE,WE HAVE A MESSAGE OF HOPE AND A PROMISE OF FREEDOM,AINT NO MAGIC BULLET,TAKES SOME WORK,but WE find it works if we work it!!! PEACE.
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Al anon or Nar anon for sure. Most of the anon people are wives of addicts who needed help and support. They are your best bet. May you find the peace you seek.
