Hopefully you have 5 minutes to read my Bio before responding. I used last night. I am on probation and am suppose to screen for home arrest on Thusday but now it is obvious I will not pass the drug tests. So, I'm going to jail. But what I am the most scared of is....that I will perpetually relapse. That I will continue to hurt people. That I will still be a liar and a theif. I need something. Anybody...any response will be fine.
I have read your bio and like many of us you have lived a traumatic life made worse by using drugs. I am glad you are reaching out for help ,it is our admission that we are powerless over our using(in other words we use even when we know the outcome will be bad)WE remain obsessed with getting high(maybe to block the pain or make us into something we think we need to be etc.One thing that confronts us all in the world of active addiction is the probablitity of jails ,institutions,deriliction or death.You may be at a crossroads at the moment,if you did the crime you may have to do the time...but each day you don't use gives you another opportunity to turn your life around.There are programs inside as well as out and with a willingness to do whatever it takes to get clean and then more importantly work a process that will keep you clean,a day at a time.We here at MIP suggest Narcotics Anonymous,making meetings ,finding a sponsor and working the STEPS,our program and the application of the principles into actions and behaviors of your life.Sometimes the pain has to outweigh the pleasure before WE come to that decision to go on to the same or find a new way to live.You are projecting you are going to jail and that may be the case but it is not the end ,it can be the beginning.I got clean in '84 the year you were born after active addiction from 1959,also a young boy.WE have a program that can bring us to the exact nature of whats really going on inside,a process of coming to believe in a Power greater than yourself that can restore our lives to sanity(yes in using we do become insane,not in a sane mind)and an opportunity to seek that Power and allow the CARE of to guide our lives on a road to recovery,one day at a time..You truly will need much help to allow you to release the pain and hurt and to allow you to know that you never have to "use" drugs again..It is a road that takes some work,but the rewards can bring you a life better than you have ever known,that I can truly say based on my own evidence living in recovery for many years now after years of a hopeless plight I believed I could never rise above.THERE IS HOPE! I will keep you in prayer and can identify with your pain.I also have a son just about your age,who went thru 7 hard years of heroin addiction,now living clean for the last 3 years and working his own process.THERE IS HOPE! Many of us had to be rudely awakened before we came to the admission,acceptance of emotional and physical defeat.You can make that decision today...WE do not have to waste the trials of our lives but we can reach inside and see what that Power greater than us,one that only has to be loving and caring may be trying to teach us........PEACE!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Before coming to NA, I thought I had to use drugs. NA showed me that I have a choice and taught how to not use drugs. There is hope--you don't have to use again. If you stick with NA, you will learn how.
NA makes one promise "That an addict, ANY addict can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live" ANY addict means YOU. Yes, you can stop using drugs. You may or may not go to jail. Many of us, including me, have been there. It's not the end of the world..It can be a new beginning if you want it to be. There are NA meetings in many jails. If you do get sentenced and your jail has meetings then by all means attend. If you don't go to jail, then find the NA helpline for your area and call them Ask your probation officer if you can leave your house to go to an NA meeting. they often say yes. I don't know exactly where in Ohio you are but go to http://na.org/ and follow the links for "find a meeting" You must have hope. Many thousands of people have been 'hopelessly' addicted to crack and other powerful drugs and have found that NA can help them get clean. Please give yourself a break and try the Narcotics Anonymous program It can save your life.
Welcome Ashley. You are not a bad person. As a using addict we all did things we were not proud of, deeply ashamed of. For many years after finding NA I didn't believe I deserved this better way of life, a Life free from the Chains of Active Addictin. Get to as many NA Meetings face to face NA Meetings as you can. Whether behind bars or not doesn't matter, NA can work for you too. You deserve a chance at a Clean and Free better way of Life. BTW I was facing prison time for forging my Mother's business checks for drugs too!
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Well thank you all for replying to my post. I have not used since Friday night, but obviously I still have to face the legal issues my recent relapse will earn me. I also have other cases that I have to stand up to regarding stealing money. Which is also linked to my severe addiction problem. I still feel very over-whelmed but not quiet as depressed, so I suppose that is good news. I'm just trying to accept the fact that I will be incarcerated for quiet awhile. And that is not very easy.
One day at a time. Just for today... This is a powerful message that can get you through the toughest of times. I too thought I was going away for several years, but instead I only had to serve a few months in county followed by probation. I don't know your history, but I do know that the jails are way over crowded. Many Judges are looking to give a break to people who can be helped. Stay clean, go to meetings, stay out of trouble and maybe things won't go as badly as you fear.
So today's the day for your drug test. We will pray for you. Remember we are not responsible for our addiction, but we are responsible for our recovery.
