Last night at a meeting I heard a member, returning from a slip, explain his choice thusly:
"Last night I got to the point where I was either going to blow my brains out or use; so I chose the non-fatal option."
I find such comments frustrating. Truth be told, and in my opinion of course, everyone who walks into an NA meeting is not an addict. They may be a problem user, they may have hit the court systems bottom and be legally required to attend meetings, they may have hit their families bottom and be emotionally coerced into attending meetings (re: go to get them off my back for a bit so I can buy myself a shot at another run) or any other number of reasons. Typically I don't spend alot of time trying to figure it out - if they say they want help, I help.
But here's the thing: for addicts like me, using is not the non-fatal option. In fact, I've got a better chance of surviving trying to blow my brains out. Clearly, if the fellow had tried working the steps he might have never gotten to this point in the first place but therein lies the dilemma... Working the steps is an act of desperation. Had I been a bit less desperate when I walked in the doors of NA, I wouldn't have bothered with the steps cause they're frightening and difficult. But passing the message to a real addict who is new in recovery that using is a non-lethal option is frustrating to hear.
I went to another meeting following that one which is filled with alot of familiar faces - folks with one, two, three years of recovery - one celbrating a year that night, one celebrating two years and one who just went out after two years and was back to his first meeting since his last use. I realized when I walked in that I genuinely like these particular people. I could tell you what went through my head but as I shared what was going on, let me just reiterate:
"Twenty-eight years after I came into this program, I found myself back where I first cleaned up for nine months. I went to a good number of meetings and asked about those folks who were there when I got there. They were all dead. Every one. Some died of natural causes but most were dead because they chose what they erroneously believed was the non-lethal option.
I come into meetings today with a smile on my face and my hand outstretched to the newcomer but the smile is usually fake. I want people to feel welcome because they might come back and so I play my part but really, I don't want to get close to people in the program because thirty four years after walking through the doors for the first time, there's no one left. It sucks to get to know people, learn to love them and then watch them die.
Last week someone told me that they were wanted to work the steps with me. I went to pick them up over an hour away with the promise to bring them home in three days, brought them to my house and began working with them. But then there was this girl down the street he hadn't seen in a while. Then there was this friend who just came back in town. Then there was... very little step work was done. Two days ago an active addict sat in my living room and said that they were ready to quit. I suggested that we hit a meeting that started in 45 minutes. They had a headache and was tired.
Just once I want someone to show up on my doorstep in a little ball, sobbing hysterically and squeak out, "Help." Someone desperate enough, willing enough to work the steps and find a new way of life. Someone to give me hope."
Absolutely Dave, couldn't agree more. Problem is, only as I see it of course, is that alot of people coming into this program today are not addicts - not by any definition of addict that I can wrap my head around. Frankly, I've seen people in the rooms that did nothing more than experiment but got caught experimenting by their parents, the cops, their spouse, boss, etc., and sent off to meetings where they (understandably) have trouble wrapping their head around the fact that they are an addict.
Society has changed their stance toward addicts a great deal since I first showed up. Certainly addiction has gotten to be more of a problem since NA started, but people are coming in earlier - they've got the symptoms of the problem but not the level of pain and desperation that made this program work so well in decades gone by. Anywho, who knows - maybe in ten years of revolving doors they'll hurt enough to decide to work the program - I just hope there are people left that remember how to guide them through the steps when they get there. My other fear is that if you have ten years of using the program as a stopping off point to continue your using - as a revolving door, you might just come to think that you can always come back after this spree. They'll come a time in every addicts life where they cross the line and that won't work any longer.
You have touched on something that has bugged me, but I usually stay silent about it. Namely that I don't agree with NA being a place where someone gets "sentenced to" I don't know who in the NA hierarchy decided that we as a fellowship would cooperate with the court system and 'sign the paper' for the person (addict/non addict) who was sentenced here, but I firmly believe that it violates our tradition three which states "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using" The tradition should be ammended to say "unless forced here to stay out of jail" It sounds crappy I know, but at least it would be honest, and isn't honesty a fundamental 'must' of our program?
Hi Angell.
Do your best and leave the rest to God, ive heard tell.
I try and follow that policy....
Diagnozing a drug user as an addict or not is a tricky thing.
I.P. no 7 got the list and if i remember right, even three yes to the 20 questions deems one as an addict.
By that standard, everyone that walks into NA qualifies.
Normal people dont bother with meetings and Program.
We addicts, in our heart of hearts, know what we do/did with drugs has/had an addictive pattern.
By the same token, no one can really judge who is ready for recovery and who isnt.
Ive always had a tendency to maximise, so now I just carry the message and leave it at that.
That said, it really is my hope that newcomers lose all doubts and reservations and stay clean.
We that had to suffer surely hope that newer members and younger people dont have to go through all that......
in order to find recovery.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Last night at a meeting I heard a member, returning from a slip, explain his choice thusly:
"Last night I got to the point where I was either going to blow my brains out or use; so I chose the non-fatal option."
I find such comments frustrating. Truth be told, and in my opinion of course, everyone who walks into an NA meeting is not an addict. They may be a problem user, they may have hit the court systems bottom and be legally required to attend meetings, they may have hit their families bottom and be emotionally coerced into attending meetings (re: go to get them off my back for a bit so I can buy myself a shot at another run) or any other number of reasons. Typically I don't spend alot of time trying to figure it out - if they say they want help, I help.
But here's the thing: for addicts like me, using is not the non-fatal option. In fact, I've got a better chance of surviving trying to blow my brains out. Clearly, if the fellow had tried working the steps he might have never gotten to this point in the first place but therein lies the dilemma... Working the steps is an act of desperation. Had I been a bit less desperate when I walked in the doors of NA, I wouldn't have bothered with the steps cause they're frightening and difficult. But passing the message to a real addict who is new in recovery that using is a non-lethal option is frustrating to hear.
I went to another meeting following that one which is filled with alot of familiar faces - folks with one, two, three years of recovery - one celbrating a year that night, one celebrating two years and one who just went out after two years and was back to his first meeting since his last use. I realized when I walked in that I genuinely like these particular people. I could tell you what went through my head but as I shared what was going on, let me just reiterate:
"Twenty-eight years after I came into this program, I found myself back where I first cleaned up for nine months. I went to a good number of meetings and asked about those folks who were there when I got there. They were all dead. Every one. Some died of natural causes but most were dead because they chose what they erroneously believed was the non-lethal option.
I come into meetings today with a smile on my face and my hand outstretched to the newcomer but the smile is usually fake. I want people to feel welcome because they might come back and so I play my part but really, I don't want to get close to people in the program because thirty four years after walking through the doors for the first time, there's no one left. It sucks to get to know people, learn to love them and then watch them die.
Last week someone told me that they were wanted to work the steps with me. I went to pick them up over an hour away with the promise to bring them home in three days, brought them to my house and began working with them. But then there was this girl down the street he hadn't seen in a while. Then there was this friend who just came back in town. Then there was... very little step work was done. Two days ago an active addict sat in my living room and said that they were ready to quit. I suggested that we hit a meeting that started in 45 minutes. They had a headache and was tired.
Just once I want someone to show up on my doorstep in a little ball, sobbing hysterically and squeak out, "Help." Someone desperate enough, willing enough to work the steps and find a new way of life. Someone to give me hope."
Where do you live? lol i am that sobbing wet puppy you are after that wants all the help i can get!
Society changes, NA is part of Society. To me so what. Work the Steps or Die MF. THAT doesn't change. I'll be celebrating 32 years Clean By the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God through the Power of NA Nov 30th. So what, I'm not a big deal. BUT my Clean Time IS a big deal. It's everything. I've had the priviledge of serving over 30 Service positions ALL for their full terms from the World level on up to the Group level many times including founding Groups and co-founding our ASC and the oldest Area Retreat in NA. So what. The so what is it's Hard to Fall of the Edge IF You Stay In The Middle. The Middle of NA is Service, Service to NA and to the still suffering addict.
Oh absolutely have seen and continue to see the revolving door addicts. That's their problem not mine. I only carry the Message, I'm not responsible for results. Absolutely seen MANY die the past three decades plus of my Journey in Recovery. Know of many people both Clean and Loaded who took the easy way out and committed suicide. Root cause always the same IMO, reservations in their recovery program. WORK THE STEPS OR DIE MF. It ain't no joke.
Does it make it hard to get close to newcomers? Sometimes sure, but I never fake a smile. I'm honestly glad they are here whether it's their First First Day Clean or Thirtieth First Day Clean. Doesn't matter. We seek progress not perfection and results are not in my hands. I cry inside as so many can't seem to grasp the concept of Surrendering to Win. Total Surrender. No reservations or it just doesn't work.
My name's Mike, I'm a Grateful Recovery Addict.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
