I have been in a relationship for 6 years with an active AA recoverer. I am in NA.... so we both are working programs and "changing". We live together. This weekend he says to me out of the blue..... "I think we should take 6 months off so we can work our programs. He is 5 1/2 months sober this time after many relapses including an 15 hr stay at hospital after a bad binge, and has had a previous 10 year sobriety..(dry drunk, not working a program at that time) and i was blindsided.
Hi, Im chad, and im an addict. I can relate. I was in a realtionship with a girl for over a year. We didnt live very close, but through the magic of social media, and skype we were able to talk, and had a decent relationship for the distance we had. She started to go to aa, and had just a few months sober. To be honest our relationship had begun to break down, but we were both still confessing love and commitment to each other. The day i had my spiritual awakening and decided that i wanted to enter recovery myself, i tried to tell her that i was going to move there, that i wanted nothing more than to work out any problems and be together. her response was a text saying she didnt want to talk about it, and that this would be her last communication. I was also very hurt, and i feel that i know how it has affected you in a sense. I tried for a few weeks to get a reason why, and i felt that all i got were generic responses to heartfelt letters. After analysing this untill my brain hurt i came to the conclusion that there was no reason why. Maybe she needed to change everything, maybe she was getting advice from someone who thought it best that she be alone right now, maybe she just couldnt handle working on who she was and having the strains of a relationship, not to mention one where we couldnt be together as often as we had wanted to. It still hurts right now, and i have emailed her too many times asking for closure that i still havnt got. Ive just had to deal with it, and having to deal with that and my new sobriety all at once was very overwhelming. My advice is work on you. Live for the day. Its all you can do. Ive also had to come to terms with the fact that i do love her, and because i do, i have to let her go, so she can find whatever she needs. I feel like if i can handle this without turning to my old habits, then i can take whatever life brings to me. My sponsor told me that my higher power wont ever give me more than i can handle. Im sorry that this has happened to you. I know you will find this statement silly, but its gods will, and you have to trust that it was meant to happen like this. I hope this helps you find a direction to be able to let go. You will have to in order to be able to focus on your recovery. Peace and Love.
What Im seeing, from what you have shared is that he is most probably acting on advice himself. But the abruptness and finality is not a spiritual thing; the very least he could have done is had a dialogue.
But the sad fact is that people will be people and reality does suck at times.
Many times in my recovery, Ive wondered how they could do what they did and still call themselves "spiritual'/" God centered" ? The pain I had to experience from such situations has now become a Blessing; striving for perspective on others viewpoints.
Now if all that sounds too abstract to understand, let me try and illustrate what a more spiritual/ caring approach would be !
An ideal situation, as i project it, would be like this;
He is saying "Look MG, we've been together last 6 years. But now that Ive been sober 6 months, I get the feeling Im boxed in in this relationship. So what say I take my space and get my end sorted ? I will need about 6 months on my own. We can both think where we are at and where we want to go in this relationship. Do you hear me love ? What do you think ?"
That's what I see as an ideal setting. Keeping Recovery Principles as our Guiding Star, us addicts in recovery need to take that route of open, honest sharing and dialogue.
With only that much information as given by you, I think he is a case of self-will run riot (as they'd say in AA), or is being misguided by his sponsor/ng other AA's. Or do you think maybe he found someone else ?
Any which way MG, time to let go with love and understanding. It proves that we NA's have always scored more when it comes to Spiritual Practice !
P.S= saying the Serenity Prayer, a million times even, may really be the Soul Balm you want now !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
... "I think we should take 6 months off so we can work our programs. He is 5 1/2 months sober this time after many relapses including an 15 hr stay at hospital after a bad binge, and has had a previous 10 year sobriety..(dry drunk, not working a program at that time) and i was blindsided.
