Hey everyone. I'm having a rough day and need some help. It's not so much the so-called "bad things" that happened today that are bothering me as much as something that happened while I was at a meeting. I was sitting at the tables and was feeling really weird, like something was missing. Then I thought, "God is missing." I wasn't sure if it was in the meeting itself or in me. Then, as I was listening to someone speak, I felt this weird sort of dizziness, like the world was tilting, with this deep sense of unease. It's hard to describe. What it reminded me of was when I was using, and it's only been 3 months for me, but I'm not used to feeling that anymore and don't want to be. I am clean and I don't take any medications. (I'm also not sure if those two things I mentioned are necessarily related, I'm just trying to look more closely at it and I'm still unsure.) I thought I was going crazy, but then again, when I was absolutely insane, I never questioned that.
Has anyone else had experiences like this? At the next meeting I went to a few people said, in not such great detail, that they'd had similar experiences. I feel like I need some information. Is this normal? Will certain drugs cause this in the detox process/throughout a period of time after using? Any information would be immensely appreciated.
I remember the time I was about three months clean in a rehab. I had many of those fainting spells...........
Intense drug use over 12 years, everyday, in good amounts left me completely devastated. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually I was a wreck. I remember being in a treatment center and they asked me to take a spade and join in the gardening exercise. I couldnt lift it. I was physically very weak. And I was always feeling tired and near fainting many times. They asked me to write, I was too mentally spaced out, I was like dyslexic. I couldnt write even two sentences without the mind wandering and bringing it back was too much. Then i found out I was also emotionally a zombie; I was like numb. When in counselling sessions the counselor asked how I was feeling, I had no clue.
Then came the biggest gift of my life; they asked to choose a God/Higher Power/ Clean Energy and almost immediately, I connected. I chanted the Serenity Prayer, some Vedic Mantras, Meditated and did Yoga and exercise and my life completely changed.
Then came Steps, Traditions service in NA and the basic grounding has always been within Gods Grace. With that all things are possible !!! Good Luck to you,,,, recovery hugs !
-- Edited by Raman on Friday 10th of August 2012 04:36:17 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hi Taryn. Thanks for the interesting post. Personally, I don't believe that God is ever "missing" I believe He is with all of us all the time. Sometimes we shut Him out with fear, anger, ignorance or other negativity, but He is always there (here) As for your experience, I'm going to go out on a limb and propose that it was not drug related at all. You have been clean three months and that is plenty of time to get all the druggie residue out of your system. No, my personal feeling is that you had some kind of spiritual experience. The fact that preceeding your 'feeling' you were pondering the nature of God is my clue. Sometimes our spiritual awakenings come in little bits, like increased awareness. Other times they hit like a Mike Tyson punch .BAM!!! and everything in between. Embrace the feeling. Ponder it. Was it ultimately a positive experience for you? If yes, then I'm sticking with my hunch. Oh, and yes....I most definetly had those feelings. peace.
I always believe God is there helping.I had a dream today that I woke up and I was in the middle of a using from my past .It was scary,it was vivid like I was there.I haven't used for almost eight years,it was like today.I got down on my knee's and prayed to God for help.
Thank you both. I have wondered if it was a sort of spiritual experience and also have gotten concerned that maybe I need to go to a doctor to make sure I don't have some sort of condition like Serotonin Syndrome (I used a lot dissociatives on a daily basis). Someone did say at a meeting that it sounded like a God experience, which is why I included my thoughts beforehand. At one point not too long ago, I was having a hard time (and still struggle at times) with seeing the insanity of my active addiction. Having that experience, I felt scared and wondered how the hell I thought that was fun, so maybe that was an answered prayer. I'll continue reflecting on it and pray to my HP for more personal understanding of what happened. Again, thank you so much for your responses. :)
Hi again Taryn.... I think its high time i reveal my experience of a spiritual experience...
One month into treatment and i got into an arguement with the chief counsellor. He gave me a sanction. "off to the dark room" he says and im asking "how many days ?" (yes thats how rehabs ran those days in india, 24 years ago. Rough and tumble, each man for himself kind of places).
And in went this spaced out addict, with no idea whatsoever what would happen.
I lay down on that dirty bed, in that cold dark room. My whole body was rattlin, it was pitch dark and i went through a strange feeling. It was like i was screaming in my head and then thinking "what the@$# going on ?"
Strangely enough i suddenly began chanting. After sometime, i began to breathe eazy.
Then i had a very vivid experience, like i was climbing to a hilltop. There was a small light i could see and as i.neared the top, it got brighter. I got to the very top, and was suddenly enveloped by a Great Light. I waz raising my arms , thats the last thing i remember.
After that, my life changed forever.
But be warned, the best spiritual experiences seem to be those that are categorized as "informational" These happen gradually, over a period of time as we hear sharings by recovering addicts and read NA literature. These elements alter our inner motivations and change our lives. This type of s-experience is the the large majority universally. This i say after reading, hearing and reflecting on the shared experiences of 100s of addicts over a two dozen year timeframe.
Ive myself have had to sustain, nurture and expand on my initial Great Light experience by cultivating the informational awakening. This has meant reading, writing, sharing, praying.Meditating; indeed accepting that The Steps are The Solution !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
