im an alanoner ,my b/f is a a/d,no recovery program for him,not none he dont beleive in it,he works everyday so far in construction,and is very clingy to me wants me to love him back as hard as he is loveing me ,ive broke it off with him 30x in the last 5 yrs cause of his useing but now he has landed this gr8t paying lots of work yrs of it job here in the last mth.now he is talking marriege and him buying land and buying a place,i encourage him to do so cause im tired f him liveing here with me and i draw a check ive always stayed here and pay all my bills ,i dont use drugs or alcohol,i just a scared to marry or give up my home even if it is a rent house to move in with him or marry him,scares me,im told him that i would never marry an a/d ,but he says he has slowed down lots,he has slowed to 2 32oz,from 6 320z,i know he is just rideing the fence so to speak,and thinking he is buffalowing me with his tactics or whatever,i still get confuzed about all this,just thought id post this in hopeing i can get esh from the ones that do know lots about this desease....thanks for letting me ramble and sor for such a long post,,,,,,hugs, odat.
I've you go to Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings they can help you deal with this situation. Admiting that you can't make anyone else stop drinking or using drugs is the first step.
Love the man and accept the disease. Sometimes tough love calls for showing him the door. At other times, letting things be, without being an enabler maybe the best bet.
Attending NAR-ANON and honestly sharing problems could lead to great solutions. The disease feeds on guilt and resentment and making decisions based on those feelings is disaster.
Remember that we need to be emotionally detached in order to be effective (Basic Text)...
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I'm not certain we're allowed to post links here, but I just typed into Google "Nar Anon Forum" and that would probably be where you'd like to go. There is also Al-Anon for families and friends of alcoholics. If you get involved with that program, I'm sure you'll find people that can help you. I personally have gone to Al-Anon meetings, and they are helpful. They use the same 12 steps as AA and NA and a sponsor would be a good idea. Personally, if I were dating someone and they were using, I'd be gone. That's a threat to my own wellbeing that I'm not going to tolerate. But what you do is up to you, and I wish you the best.
A girl i know is 6 years clean, but still addicted to men who are still using....
She wanted a change; she wanted to try someone who was clean, and i was available. I gave her my time, money and effort but couldnt love her... I couldnt relate......
I asked her if shed had an affair or relationship with a clean addict and she said no.
I knew i had to move on.
Relationships can be an addiction too,, perhaps the most difficult to acknowledge as such.....
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
