i guess i am coming on here to get some insite. My husband went into detox tuesday night after many years of using and lying to me continously. he asked me to drive him there and i did but i decided that when he got out that he needed to live somewhere else until he can prove to me that this is something he is going to continue to do it's not just another one of his periods where he is al for quiting and then only to start up again a week later. but my main thing is that i need to learn how to trust him again which we will be going to counceling for that but he has decided to go live with one of his friends who he previously stayed with one other time i kicked him out. This choice is leading me to believe that he is not really serious about changing. This friend has been a partner in his drug use for many years and he swears he is clean and no one in his house is using but it was only a month ago he was telling me this friend was using meth at work....everything else my husband is saying leads me to believe he is changing but this decision threw me off. He says he is going to get the shot vivitrol (sp?) so that he doesn't have a choice and will provide proof for me which sounds well and good but i will wait to see if this will last. I guess i am just looking for others point of view on how they percieve his comitment to sobriety.
If his friend was using a month ago, he's in bad company. The odds of the two of them staying clean are a long shot. Sounds like the odds of your husband telling the truth may also be a long shot. I wouldn't hold my breath. It takes at least a year, of continuous clean time and working the 12 steps, with a sponsor to be on firm ground in recovery imo.
There is a program for family members of drug addicts, Nar-Anon, and family members of alcoholics, Al-Anon. I suggest you try going to meetings. There will be people there who the same kinds of problems and issues, and they will be able to offer you their experience and support. Admitting that you are powerless over the addict/alcoholic is the begining of recovery through these programs.
Welcome to MIP! Nar-Anon,fellowship for friends and relatives of addicts.GOOGLE Nar-Anon.org for a meeting near you.It can be the best thing for 'YOUR' LIFE!!!In support and prayer.
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I would try Nar-Anon , it will give you a piece of mind ,by sharing your not being able to trust spouse.There will be someone who went through similar problems.
No one can tell how serious his commitment is. Hell, at this point even HE doesn't know. The thing that makes addicts so believable when they lie is that they truly believe what they are saying when they are saying it. Problem is that it fades fast. Addicts have short term memory loss, they forget what they promised an hour ago. Him "proving" to you that he is clean because he is taking some shot is a bad sign IMHO It means that he is still relying on outside substances to fix himself. That being said I know of several people taking the heroin substitute suboxone for years and while not "clean" in the NA sense of the word, they are leading productive lives, holding jobs, and staying out of trouble. A huge improvement for some, so this vivatrol or whatever, something i never heard of, may be the thing that gets him on track to living clean. The real issue here of course is you. You have to do what is best for your health and well being. So, like others said, get some support in Nar or Al anon (they are not so strict about who they accept) and perhaps some professional advice, and then make your decisions accordingly. I always find that some quiet time filled with prayer and meditation help clear my mind and the "right" choice usually comes to me soon after. peace.
Thank you all for replying. There is not a Nar anon group around where i am so i am just going to some counseling and talking with his addiction counsler too to try and figure out all these questions i have. My main priority right now is just to take care of my 2 wonderful kids who are 2 1/2 and 5months. Makes me sad to hear my 2 year old wondering where daddy is....i hope for my kids sake he is serious about this.
If there is no Nar Anon, I would recommend Al Anon. The programs are similar. There is a type of support/strength you get from a group and working the 12 steps that you can't get anywhere else.
If he can't come back and live with you, is there anyone else that would allow him to reside with them temporarily that is NOT a user? Family or a close friend? If not, then does he really have much of a choice? If he goes back to live with this "friend" of his... It is not a good idea. One of the many times I was trying to get clean and sober (without working a program), I had no where to live besides with an active addict... It was a very big mistake. I was no where near strong enough to be around the use of drugs, and not use myself. It was impossible. I won't say that it will be impossible for him to to stay sober and in recovery, anything is possible... But it will be extremely tough, especially the first 6-12 months of recovery, And he has to actually WORK the program. It only Works if you work it. Unfortunately, you cannot make someone stay sober and in recovery... But you can give tough love, which is very often needed in order for the addict to hit "rock bottom", as well as be his support without being an enabler. As everyone else did, I highly reccommend Al-Anon. It is very similar to Nar-Anon. I attend a lot of AA meetings rather than NA meetings, because that is all that is in my area... But it really doesn't make much of a difference. It's the same 12 steps. Alcoholics are addicts, Addicts are Alcoholics... Good Luck and God Bless!
