So my sponsor and I have been working pretty closely. I have more "dry"? Time than her, but I figure if she knows more than I do, that's what matters, right? I just finished working my 90x90 and my cousin (has 6 years working the program) asked me to spend a few days with her at the beach house with a few friends. Her friends are all clean anyway, so I'm not worried about anything. I told my sponsor all of this, and she says "your addiction didn't take a vacation" and I replied "a meeting consists of two or more addicts, it's 3 days, and I've called you everyday for the past three and a half months, what makes you think I'd quit now?" now, I really like my sponsor and I don't think this would bother me so much if she hadn't told me last week that my clean date needed to match the day I started working a program. I mean, I feel like she's trying to control me a bit. I don't see anything wrong with hanging out with a group of clean addicts in substitute for going to a meeting for 3 days. And Im not letting go of my clean date for anything less than a relapse. Am I wrong? Is this my ego?
Those who find sponsorship valuable get the most out of our program, thats what our literature tells us.(good job) As far as her knowing"more' than you ? A sponsor is someone who has worked the steps(farther ahead then you have and hopefully has incorporated the spiritual principles into the attitudes and behaviors of their own lives,,can't give away something you don't have)and all sponsors have different approaches. I agree your clean time is personal to you,only you for sure know when you put the drug down and that is your clean date.Most importantly here is "communication' you need to let your sponsor know how you feel so there are no underlying resentments building up.One addict helping another,we are all addicts,no one on a pedastal.Be honest and up front it always ends up the best in the long run.We will work our steps over and over again thru our lives.I personally have 8 more years free from the monster than my sponsor and he has 5 more years than my grandsponsor ,his sponsor.For each of us it is about a working, a productive,God centered relationship.WE suggest ,we do not govern.Great job in sharing your feelings and working your process, Have a blessed and productive day!!
-- Edited by MIKEF on Tuesday 10th of July 2012 12:13:49 PM
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Sounds like your sponsor is a control freak. You can have a good time at the beach and work on your recovery. You could do some prayer/meditation, stepwork, reading, and as you said, you could have a meeting. You can even call your sponsor from the beach. There may also NA or AA meetings in the area.
"Clean time does not equal recovery." This is in our literature somewhere. Your using the date you stopped using drugs as your clean date is correct. As for hanging out for a few days with other recovering addicts, sounds fine to me. Y'all can have a meeting if you wish, under the guidelines of the basic text it is perfectly fine. You may have a sponsor who believes in controlling you. I dumped my first sponsor for exactly that reason. I was feeling controlled, and even a little abused and told him so. He replied that if I wouldn't follow the "suggestions" he made then i should get another sponsor and that is exactly what I did. Look into your heart and remember YOU are responsible for your recovery...no one else. peace.
Thanks mike. I'm gonna try to write it down and find the gentle-est(?) way to put my feelings. There are certain things I know about her that I don't agree with, but i've just found that I can get what I need from her and anything else can be sought thru networking/hp. I just want to make sure my ego is in check.
Yes 'suggest' not 'need' to communicate is less confrontational sounding and that is your choice ,but I know for me if I don't say whats on my mind it plays on me.WE help each other and I have had sponsees tell me things that helped me move forward.Truly we are moving forward when we remain teachable....Good luck,recovery ain't no game and WE need to take part in our own.You may be surprised what she says :)
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I hope this goes well. Keeping my ears open and recalling how she approaches me about my stuff may give me a clue about how she may be more receptive. We are a sensitive people, lol I don't want her to hate me anymore than she wants hurt feelings.
