First... there's an NA meeting starting up in my city again!!
I'm so excited and I'm so scared all rolled into one!
So I think I'll lurk outside for a bit to see if I recognize anyone that may blab my situation to everyone and their dog... regardless though, I'm still not sure if I have what it takes to walk through the door. I know that this sounds kind of silly as I'm closing in on year 18 but seriously I live in 'gossip-central' and I truly believe that I'll be labelled and my currently unemployed rear-end will remain that way! I will pray to the last minute for the strength to follow through!
Update... I'm a little apprehensive but since the situation with my son, who apparently didn't have any disorder of any kind after his last evaluation, has progressively gotten worse (he's become aggressive and destructive with property and is definitely medicating with weed, not to mention that he's starting to become mouthy towards me, something he generally refrained from)... so he's headed into the psychiatric system. I mentioned this back in the beginning of May and he's since had his appointment cancelled and not rescheduled. The word is that there's a new psychatrist coming to town this month to replace the current one... he's younger and more keen on evaluating and working with young adults. I've put it into the hands of my HP, that His will be done.
As for me, I've been meditating on how in my weakness I am strongest. Only then am I able to relinquish my need to control and let my HP work in me the way He wants to!
Peace, kd
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"The Greatest Possession We Have is The 24 Hours Ahead Of Us"
I was almost 21 years clean when I found out my now 26 year old son was a hard core heroin addict.I knew he had smoked and did some other stuff but did not realize until I started noticing some hard core habits occurring.I thought because of my 25 years of addiction I should have known sooner but as addicts we are Masters of Deception.He has now been clean of heroin for 3 years and coming back to LIFE.I share this with you because I really identify with your situation.As an addict I knew deep down there wasn't much I could do except ensure I maintained my own recovery.I could share my ESH with him but he would have to find his way.Total application of our solution,the STEPS,into my attitudes and behaviors truly made the difference,of course always being guided by my Higher Power.Anonymity has many faces for us,at this time in my life Im not concerned who knows im a recovering addict,they certainly knew I was during my reign of terror.I will keep you in prayer and lift you up in my daily office.It is so true as it was said,when I am weak then I am strong in the hands of our Higher Power.You are aware of the power of meetings,sharing with other addicts,your sponsor and giving back so Im sure you'll be guided accordingly.Peace and serenity in your journey!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hello Kitty (I love saying that) I hope things work out for you and your son. I understand the nervousness about going through the door. And yes, despite all the admonitions not to, people in NA do gossip, so in a small town where judgements run high your concern is valid. There are benefits to going to meetings though. Only you can decide if the benefits out weigh the potential downside. prayers for your well being.
