Hi, I quit drugs on 6.4.08. I kinda just got out of rehab, dropped people places and things, but never replaced them. But I've reached a point where I really need the steps. I've been hitting meetings lately... About 3x a week (I'm a workaholic and after a 15 hour shift I'm just too exhausted). I've been doing this for about a month. And I'd just like to find a sponsor. But, just like everyone else I'm socially awkward and I haven't had a conversation with anyone at the meetings. I heard someone share at a meeting that their sponsor had told her it wasn't the sponsors responsibility to call the sponsee. I know that this is so the sponsee shows willingness, that sponsors carry the message, not the addict, but aren't sponsors/sponsees supposed to be friends? After a certain point, it would be that the sponsor may initiate calls sometimes too? In addition to this, I'd like to know what qualities you think a sponsor should have? Quantity of time? How do you judge quality of time? Does it matter how close they live? Or how much time they have to sit down and focus on steps (even if it's just a 30 minute uninterupted time)? What qualities do you admire most in your sponsor? How did you decide who you wanted? I appreciate any and all responses. May the force be with you.
Good qualities in a sponsor (not necessarily in any order)
Working knowledge of the 12 steps and traditions and maybe even 12 concepts Willingness to listen to the sponsee Willingness to be available by phone (every day if necessary) and in person about once a week for 30-60 minutes (maybe less) Willingness to give the sponsee honest and loving feedback (tell you what you are doing that is likely to work and not likely to work) A sponser can be a friend, but doesn't have to be A sponsor can call a sponsee from time to time but it is the sponsee's responsibility to call, which demonstrates willingness on the part of the sponsee A sponsor is the sponsee's banker, lawyer, employer, chaufer, psychologist
Having said this, there is no such thing as the perfect sponsor. Different types of relationships work for different people. Some needs sponsors who will give them a kick in the ass from time to time; others need a softer touch. Some need to call their sponsor every day; others much less than that. Recently, I have been sponsoring a guy who has put in some real good work on the steps. We have been meeting in person for one hour twice a month. We sometimes see each other in meetings and sometimes connect by phone or email. Before each meeting, he does some reading or writing about the steps, and then we meet and share our experience, strength, and hope. I can see the progress he has been making and this gives me a lift. It has been helpful for me to review the steps.
The most important thing about a sponsor is that you have one and use him/her. A sponsor in name only is not much better than no sponsor.
Absolutely ,the steps are our solution worked with a SPONSOR! It is correct to listen for a sponsor at meetings but in the interim you can GOOGLE NA.ORG look up ip#12 (I believe) Sponsorship Revisted and also look up NA approved (Book) SPONSORSHIP.The book is wonderful,it doesn't subscribe to any specific methods of sponsorship,just different situations that sponsors/sponsees share and how the ESH of the sponsor and also the sponsee work for each other.Many great ideas and situations..Great job getting clean ,our first step to "LIFE" Kep comin back let us know how your doing.peace
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I looked up the pamphlet PDF after reading your suggestions. I'm in the middle of a Carl Jung book... So I'm not about to pick up another one. But I will do some studying/skimming on the subject. Thanks :)
I'm tired of who I am. And if I thought I could do the steps on my own, I would. But apparently I can not. I am way more than willing to go thru some sh!t to get to the other side. I think I just want someone who knows, believes that this program has more to offer than not using, cause not using, I'm good at. It's everything else I need help with.
I think that the qualities mentioned here are all great. But in the end the sponsor does not get you through your difficulties, you do. If you are willing to dedicate yourself to working the steps to the best of your ability, then you may find that real change is possible for you. Good luck.
Snagged a sponsor!!!
See how it goes, I'm really itchin to start some stepwork. I'm just praying this isn't a pink cloud I'm on and that this motivated feeling stucks with me. Oh, also picked up a homegroup. :))
