It sounds like you may be ready to try a new way of life. I don't know if you go to meetings, but if you don't then maybe you should start. If you do, then maybe you should go more often. Ask for help, take it slow (easy does it) but find a guy you can trust and ask him to sponsor you. Then follow his suggestions and give yourself a break. You didn't become addicted in one day and you won't find peace of mind in one day. But if you keep coming back, follow suggestions, and work steps then there is a good chance you can stop using drugs, lose the obsession to use and most importantly find a new way to live. I never believed that I could happy and at peace with myself untill I worked the steps with a sponsor and went to meetings. It took me a couple of years, but I finally found it possible to love myself, to stop hating, and raging at everything. Nothing else worked for me. Maybe it can work for you.
