I've been regularly attending meetings. I haven't made a friend yet. And then I realized I've never made any friends. They made me.
So I show up early, stay, stay late. And hope someone talks to me. And tell myself that your first time around they suggest you share regardless, so you get noticed?
And so today I'm thinkin, is this what boys feel like? Waiting for the chick you want to talk to to be alone and realizing that she's always in a group of chicks???
Sunday I went to a meeting, and afterwards, I sat down next to a chick and said "hi my name is ruhig, I'm going to hope if I sit here awkwardly next to you that we will have a conversation." and we did, briefly. And I couldn't find her there today.
I so would otherwise switch rooms again if I didn't already know I'd be walking into an even more socially challenging situation. Fml
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Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
For me, I need to reach out to people. I need to talk to people, not wait for them to talk to me. I need to give hugs, not wait to receive one. I need to ask for phones number and call people. I need to ask people if they want to go out for coffee or whatever. They might say no, but I need to ask.
The bottom line is that I need friends. If I am shy, I need to work to overcome it. I can reach out and make friends or go back to using drugs. Pretty simple for me.
I'm going through a similar situation. What helps me is knowing that "one addict helping another is without parallel". When my sponsor gives me suggestions, she is not only helping me, but helping herself as well. I shared at a meeting about how much I hate the phone, and about how I'm having a hard time with developing relationships with people in the program. A woman at the meeting got my number, and we've been calling and texting every day. For me, having a sponsor helps tremendously, because that opens doors to the rest of my sponsor family (sponsor sisters, grand sponsors, etc.). We hold support group once a month too, for our sponsor family, and through those groups I'm able to connect with other women in the program a bit more, outside of the meetings. Other people in the program encourage us to call, they like when we call because it helps them to stay clean too. It's not a burden to them, they don't find it to be annoying when we call- they want us to call and reach out. Relationships and connecting with the people in NA, to me, is like the heartbeat of my recovery. I didn't even try when I first came around, and because of that, I didn't really like going to meetings at all. I didn't have a sponsor or a homegroup, I didn't call one single person in the program. I did it my way, and I relapsed. This time around is much better, and meetings have become something that I enjoy, and people as well as the program keep me coming back. I had to find them though, and it's still not easy, picking up the phone and reaching out, but it sure isn't impossible. I know that a lot of people can identify with you, you aren't alone. Reach out, you will thank yourself for it later- and as long as you keep trying, it will become easier and easier. The NA events have also helped me to connect as well, the speaker jams, dances, the picnics, etc. It may be tough at first, but it is worth it and you are worth it!
