So.
Karen, who is for all intents and purposes, my mother in law. She is a wonderful woman. And I quite enjoy her company. She is also a jehovah's witness.
So yesterday she texted asking me if I wanted a bible. I told her we had two already, that her son/my fiancé has them hidden somewhere.
And she thanked me for my honesty.
Next, she texts me that "my relationship with you is separate from my relationship with Michael. And so your relationship with god would be separate from Michaels relationship with god" to which I replied I understand that because mike and I both keep out programs separate, at all costs. But that if I began to study with the jw mike would feel ganged up on. And if and when mike decides to get reinstated, I would follow him. Because given the back history, mike is the important one to be a jw, I am just a bonus coin.
She took this to mean that mike was controling my religious choices. And I felt she implied that I could not think for myself.
So I've been going to meetings 2-4 times a week. And I have had a relationship w my HP, I was also thinking that maybe finding a religious place of comfort couldn't hurt. I'm not finding much relief in the meetings. And today I've been stuggling a bit more than usual. So I thought I'd try to hit a meeting before work, but it was locked. And so I tried some christian church, but that was locked. And then I tried the kingdom hall but that didn't work. And so I pulled into a parking lot and do what I usually do when I'm in a bit of turmoil, and lay in the back of my truck, reviewing this weeks events and trying to find the root of my feelings before they begin to turn into real hard core resentments.
I just got so far as to wonder why mike and Karen told me from the beginning that there was a 20 years resentment between the two of them that I couldn't possibly understand, so on the few most recent occasions I try to keep thongs as pc and neutral as possible, and now I feel as if they forgot that they told me to stay out of it.
I'm just not sure where to go or who to talk to. I truely feel as if my life has become unmanageable in a way that my life was not when I was using.
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Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
In recovery I have found that I must take my own spiritual path. I need to develop my own relationship with a higher power. This can occur in many ways for me--through prayer and meditation, through service work, through enjoying the beauty of nature, and through attending religious services. The great thing about NA is that it leaves the higher power entirely up to the individual. It is a spiritual, not religious program.
religion and the spirituality we find in na are separate issues. there is nothing wrong with going to church and worshipping according to your creed whatever that may be but when working the program it is wise to adopt the spiritual principles identified in the steps. Remember that anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our principles. Just as your religion is an outside issue for na, how you work your program is nobody's business in your church or even your family.
