Today is 4/10.
And I am well aware that this date may not be significant to others. However, 4/10/06 my father died of an overdose. It's been six years now, and I have since learned that mourning the loss of anyone, but especially an important figure in ones life, never truely goes away. I have learned to not allow my mourning of my father completely disable me from continuing on my daily responsibilities. And I believe that I have grown a rather helpful way of dealing with the specific feelings associated with the loss if my father.
But today my aunt texted me. Saying that she hoped I was doing well and was remembering that my father was a good man. I do not believe that my aunt had any bad intentions by this text, I am merely puzzled by the intent she had. I thanked her for her remembering the date her brother died, but it left a rather nasty after taste. This is the first time in six years since the event that she has ever made contact with me expressing her thoughts for me.
Last month my cousin was found dead in Camden of an od. At the funeral she had said she would like to spend more time with me. I gave her several dates over a two month span that I would be available. She picked a date and I spent time figuring out what she could eat and setting up the new apartment to make her feel as comfortable as possible. The day before she was supposed to drop by, she texted me saying she would not be able to make it. Left no explaination, and never got back to me on a rain check. I tried to shug it off and blame it on the Irish catholic working class culture that family lives by.
I may be out of line, but I feel rather upset with her. Its as if she is saying that she is too busy in her life to take an interest in who I am, but it's perfectly ok to remind me that today is the day my father died. For the past four years, I have been able to practically forget the significance of this date. And I guess that I just sort of feel that if she is not going to get to know who I am, what gave her the sudden idea that she had the right to arbitrarily remind me of what I consider to be the most devestating day in my entire life thus far.
Thanks for letting me share.
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Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
Sounds like you are facing difficult tragedies as best you can. This disease claims many victims, including those who are not addicts but are still affected. Sounds like your Aunt means well but it still going through her own struggles. Hang in there and try to practice some of the spiritual principles we learn in NA: patience, love, and acceptance.
So I called my cousin, also in the program, and told her of the situation. She said she wasn't sure what I could do about the text or my feelings, but that she was proud to hear that I hadn't let my emotions run rampid and embarrass myself or hurt my aunts feelings unnecessarily.
I asked her how she was doing and listened to her struggles. Afterwards she said that I had enabled her to see her problems from a different perspective.
I felt better after talking to her. Not that I had a solution, but that someone from my family really did get it. And that I was able to help her changed my day around.
Funny how a simple call or text can effect ones day so deeply.
Thought I'd just share how I got through it. Thanks again
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Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
hi sorry to hear about your dad. it must be very painful. Amazing how powerful the simple act of picking up the telephone can be Glad your using the tools available to get you through tough times
