Hi. Im not sure how to introduce myself, so excuse me for maybe coming off dumb.
Part of me knows Im an addict. Part of me thinks im just a kid who got a little extensive in my experimenting. But in either case, it seems that the steps will help me do more than just get clean/sober. So Im trying to at least read the literature on step one. Kinda like "fake it til you make it" I guess?
I have a fiancee. He knows he's an addict/Alcoholic (I don't separate the two btw) But, being in the program for so long, he sort of got complacent in his recovery. Which doesn't bother me, since we've always kept our romance and our recovery seperate.
One of my issues is that I would be ashamed to admitt that I would want to start making time to hit up the rooms. Part of this is because he doesn't know I've started using again (that would end our relationship, period, no exceptions) and the other part is that I find it really difficult to find a meeting that isn't "slap and tickle".
The other part is that I have yet to over come my fear of being in large social groups. I don't have an out right phobia, more just like an overwhelming sense of teenage social awkwardness (for the record, Im in my 20s).
And yet another obstical I am having trouble with is, how do I even find a sponsor? The first sponsor I had, I didn't pick for myself, a friend picked her for me. And the person I felt like would be the best-fit sponsor was(is?) a chronic relapser (sorry for the lable).
So, if you have any experience with any of these issues, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for letting me share.
PS, does any one else think he> looks like a ninja?
__________________
Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
One of my issues is that I would be ashamed to admitt that I would want to start making time to hit up the rooms.
I guess I can relate to this, yet, today my opinion has changed in time. I shouldn't feel ashamed for wanting to do things that are going to help me in my Recovery. It doesn't really matter anyway what others might think (although it does control me at times). Most of us do desire to want to be accepted for who we are.
The other part is that I have yet to over come my fear of being in large social groups.
Yep I have that same FEAR. I don't know if it is Fear of being in large groups or if I just feel more comfortable in a smaller group setting. Either way, I am glad that we have a group to go too.
Thanks for sharing.
__________________
Just Keep ON KEEPING ON!!!!!!!!!! If we live we are just pretty lucky
Hi and welcome. You sound like an addict to me, but when all is said and done, it's your call and only your call. I say you sound like an addict because you are using knowing that it will end your relationship, so your sneaking doing it. Don't you think a non addict would just not use? So my suggestion would be to stop the debate and just get to a meeting. Don't stress over the size of the group or getting a sponsor. Just show up and listen. I wish you well. peace.
Welcome.glad you found us......Before the healing begins each one of us must come to an admission of powerlessness over our using(using when we dont want,always obsessed with the idea,into the lifestyle,physically ,mentally and spiritually etc) the unmanageable part(2 fold)outward pretty obvious ,inward not so much)Only you can determine if you are an addict or not(BASIC TEXT ,even "AM I AN ADDICT,IP(information pamphlet,can download both on line)let you take a look inside.It will be up to you to move forward,we always suggest making a meeting,listening to whats being said,Identify with the speaker and not compare and "listen" for a sponsor so you can get into our "solution" the STEPS,guided by the Higher Power of your understanding and worked with a sponsor.There is another way of life, WE do this together and come in all sizes and shapes..Give yourself a brea,step out of that comfort zone and begin the healing.Let us kow how your doing okay!! Peace.
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks for your replies. This morning, I threw away my stash (after reading some of the basic text pdf) And I have off on Thursday. I remember that I used to prefer morning meets to night meets, so I think since he won't be home, I can go and atleast face my fear. Hoping to screw my head on tight enough to go.
Thanks alot for your help. Check in soon.
__________________
Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
Welcome, glad you found us. Only you can decide if you are an addict. If you are an addict, NA can help. NA is a program of recovery from addiction. It involves going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the 12 steps, getting involved in the fellowship, and service to othe addicts. In-person meetings are an essential part of our program, because that's where we can get help from real people in real time and feel the connection to other addicts. Reading online forums are fine, but they are no replacement for in-person meetings. Hope you make some meetings soon.
welcome...the program works when you want it to work. but you have to be completely honest with yourself in everything you do. abstinence and honesty go along way. go to meetings and listen for the one thing you can relate to and the one thing that you need to here...and listening might help you find a person you want to sponsor you....dont be afraid to ask and sometimes the first person you ask might not be able to for reasons of their own so you ask someone else...its easier then we make our selves believe....good luck to you and i hope you keep on posting here on the message board.
__________________
kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
So, I found a meeting at a college. Im scared I won't be able to find the room/proper parking lot because the campus is ginormous. Also, I know that I haven't hit up any of the steps with a sponsor yet, but I often like to read to concentrate on something other than work. So Im reading Life Of Pi. Its a book, as far as I can tell and in a nut shell, about this guy's spiritual journey. I think its great, and I know Im getting ahead of myself, but I think I'd recomend this to my possible future sponsee, or anyone else trying to work through a 2nd step.
Does anyone else know of any good spiritual books?
Also, Happy Birthday Hippie Jean and Rob!!!
-- Edited by Ruhig on Thursday 2nd of February 2012 08:55:25 AM
__________________
Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
My name's Mike, I'm a grateful Recovering Addict. Clean by the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God through the Power of NA. Clean working on 32 years in this God given Program.
Whoa!Definitely putting the cart way ahead of the horse. Worry about getting and staying Clean and working a program of Recovery including finding your own Sponsor before even thinking of being a Sponsor. This isn't a game. This isn't something just to do if/when you feel like it. For most of us this is the last house on the block, the last open door, the last chance at finding a better way of life. NA works if you want it and work it.
If you really think someone who is a habitual relapser is your ideal Sponsor you need to hit some more meetings, many more meetings, and listen. Listen for people with Recovery. Not just looking talking good but LIVING a good NA Recovery based life.
Keep coming back, it works if you want it and work it!
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I know I got a bit over excited there. And I haven't talked to the chronic relapser in over a year (except happy holiday texts?) The reason I didn't pick her was her relapsing. I guess I just got overly excited thinkin I might be able to do it this time.
__________________
Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
You can do it this time. Just take it one thing at a time, first things first. Getting to meetings is the first thing to do. Lots of meetings. 90 meetings in the first 90 days is recommended. In the meetings, you can find a sponsor who can help you with the steps.
7 days clean. I hit a meeting on thurs. It was a womens meeting. That solved the slap and tickle thing. Spoke to a few of the women there about a few of my concerns. Woman there said that it didn't matter if I considered myself an addict yet as long as I stuck to the program when I found someone Im comfortable with. Spent all my slack time reading, switching between L.o.P and NA/AA lit. Next thurs Im thinkin Im gonna see if I can make it my HomeGroup, To try to take as much action as I can while I have the enthusiasm, and then I just have to work on keeping up with stuff when I (inevitably) become more balanced.
Thanks for being here guys. :)
__________________
Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
Just putting this out there. I read the JFT for 2/4, I know. Im a day late. I plan on asking this question at the next meeting I go to, but theres no harm in putting it out here first, right?
In previous fights, on a handful of occasions, I have put my hands on my BF. This, I know to be wrong. And I am working on not doing that. We are currently in a fight (though Im not sure about what?!?!) And so instead of actually fighting it came out in a bunch of "I feel...When you..." and I don't think I understood what he was saying. So when things got too much for me to handle, I locked myself in our bedroom. And we havent spoken in about 4 hours.
What I am asking here is what do I do when I get so angry I want to hit him, because right now, All I can think is that if I had some (name calming drug) then I would be able to resolve this instead of being a jerk and punching him or being petulant and locking him out of the room.
P.S. I do plan on bringing this up with a face to face, and I know a 4th step is far away, but since this is the issue that brought me back to recovery more than the actual using, I feel like this issue could be taken care of pre-fourth step.
So if you have any tips on anger management, that would be greatly appreciated.
__________________
Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
One of the great things we learn in NA is how to deal with our emotions without using drugs. When I was using, a drug was my answer for any emotional problem I had (anger, fear, etc.). Then the drugs stopped working. Some of the tools I use in NA to deal with anger include: going to meetings, sharing about the problem with my sponsor or other addicts, working the steps on it, and praying about it. One thing I have learned in NA is that I am powerless over other people. Most of my anger issues have to do with me trying to control other people or expecting them to be a certain way. When they don't do things my way, I get angry. I need to realize that the only person I can control is me.
10 days clean. Went to meeting thi morning @ 7am before work. My heart now resides in my stomach. Scoping for sponsor. Too many questions, trying not to ruffle feathers.
__________________
Change will happen when the pain of where you are exceeds the fear of where youre going
don' worry about asking questions. My only suggestion is that you start a new thread. Things can get neglected when they are at the bottom of an old thread.
looks like a ninja?
