Today is my 11th day clean and in recovery. On my first day in the program, I went to 5 meetings. There was a lady who shared at two of those meeting, and it seemed that she would make a good sponsor for me. She has several years of clean time, and seemed to know a good deal about how the program works.
So I asked her to become my temporary sponsor, because I was very eager to begin the actual work which will lead to recovery.
Unfortunately, whenever I call her or talk to her, I can't get a single word in edgewise. She's in a pretty dark place right now, and won't climb out of it. Our conversations revolve around her personal drama to the point where I haven't been able to talk about my issues almost at all.
I do care about her, though, and I don't want to hurt her feelings further by letting her go as a sponsor. I also haven't found anyone else that I'm sure would be a better fit. I also don't want to discuss this with anyone from our local group, as they will all likely know her.
But now I'm in a place where I don't want to call her and sit through a thirty minute (or more if I let it go on) pity party that just turns in circles and never comes to any healthy conclussion.
I want to start working the program and to experience progress.
Just not sure how to handle this delicate situation. Any advice is appreciated.
hi christy its not about hurting her feelings its about getting what YOU need...if you need to get another sponsor its quite alright to find someone that is a better fit. but dont wait it out just ask someone else it will work out but you have to put you first in this matter. your life depends on it! oh and by the way...WELCOME TO RECOVERY IT IS THE MOST AMAZING WAY OF LIFE!
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kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. I suggest you call your grand-sponsor for guidance.
That is the scary part of NA. Newcomers pick sponsors based on how "good" they sound sharing at a meeting without any investigation. My mother always told me if I wanted to know about someone, see where they lay their head. This holds true for potential sponsors. Have you visited her home, watched her interact with children/others/sponsor? Don't be scared to ask questions about potential sponsors. You are more than welcome to call me 574-323-8845 (South Bend, Indiana), and my clean date is 4-17-1997.
Kelly, Thanks for that reminder! Reading your posts has been very helpful to me over the past few days. I just want to let you know how much I appreciate the things you share here.
Cheryl, Thank you for giving me your phone number. I have built a long list of female's phone numbers from meetings over the past 11 days, but it always helps to have more. Now, picking up the phone and dialing is a different matter altogether.
I wish I knew who the grand-sponsor is. This is very good advice about really getting to know someone before I place my trust in them enough to allow them to help guide me through this crucial recovery process. They're not a math tutor, they're helping me figure out how to save my life!
awe thank you christy its good to hear that someone likes what i share ... i appreciate your words as they help me grow as a person too. for so long i was always down on myself that i never wanted to talk to anyone what could a strung out person like myself have to say that was worth anything to anybody....so i isolated but its different now i want to share everything now because its such a gift to be in recovery and learn about the person i am really and the experiences ive been living now that i am clean...i believe in myself now and im living my life in the moment one day at a time and its so amazing good days and bad they are all my gifts i get so excited i just want to tell the world...im really glad youre here and cant wait to read about your amazing life too. im really glad that you opened up and asked for help...its what we do in recovery we are a pretty close family from all walks of life....i myself have had 3 different sponsors...each one waas good but the next always felt more right to me.
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kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
So, it looks like you have a 1st assignment....find out who your grandsponsor is and call her. Go ahead, don't be scared - smile - and recovery your a___ off!!!!
