Jessica,
So sorry for your loss, so sad for you and your family. I lost an older brother to this disease 12 years ago. I still miss him, and honestly, sometimes I'm mad at him. If he would have just stopped, you know? I thought that was all there was to it, like it was so easy, If he really wanted to, he could. If he really loved his family, our parents, he could. Funny thing is, I wound up with the same disease that killed him. Now I understand a little bit better, and the anger is lessening. I am one of the lucky ones, one who for today has found recovery and hope in my life, free from drugs. I tried for may years to "just stop" on my own, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not. My greatest strength today comes from my Higher Power, God as I understand him. I found my path to God through the 12 steps. You may think, well, if there is a God, why did he let my brother die? I cannot answer that. Some say that when someone dies from this disease it is God's way of relieving them of their despair. I do know that today I do not want to die, so I ask for stength and guidance from my God, and look to the 12 steps and fellowship to help support me in good times and in bad. I live only for this day, for it may be all that I have, and I do not want to waste a moment of it. I have five other siblings who are all active in their disease of addiction to either drugs or alcohol, or both. I pray for them, I love them, and I try to lead by example. Hopefully one day they will decide they want what I have, true joy and a sense of peace I never found when I was using. I am sending you a cyber hug and I will keep you and your family in prayer. Peace