It's like spring time here at the recovery house... People's hearts are all atwitter with romantic inclinations and love is in the air like the smell of sweet dafodils on a warm breezy day.
LOL... Can I start that over?
It was just a mens recovery house but then we opened a womens house and I strongly supported it even though it could not be afforded because women need a place too, besides the rescue mission which has no recovery program, only a bible study program. So the house has been open awhile and anyone in the mens program with a job pays rent to support it. (the program was 100% free when it was men only)
Guys were told, don't mingle with the women over there. (no fraternizing rule) The women were probably told the same about us guys but what do you think happened? I guess for some addicts, winter is the time to start dating, not spring.
Probably going to loose a friend because he thinks another guy in the house wants to kill him so I know he's going to get loaded. The other guy is my buddy to and he may be asked to leave for breaking the rules. I know the woman in the middle will get loaded because I'm friends with her to, I just don't date her.
When I was getting loaded, I was never very good at dating and eventually just lost interest in it altogether during the last years of my active addiction... I understand these younger guys have feelings they need to act on. (and the women to) I hope I have those feelings someday again to. (but only when I'm ready for it)
I've been around long enough to know not to get involved in other people's romantic affairs because you'll just get the blame for it... So I just sit here, watching my friends go on and destroy their sobriety. I feel bad about it.
I've seen other guys in the program date with none of this BS. They did it by dating women not in recovery, away from the house and did not compete with other guys in the house for the same woman. No one had to leave and no one got kicked out, no soap opera drama.
Oh well, guess I just felt like venting a little. Thanks for listening... You know, when I first got in recovery, I remember people telling me it's best not to date at all the first year. (I'm getting close to a year but I'm still affraid of dating, to be honest.)
yes, these do's and dont's are a perfect to our addictive personalities. They come from hard won experience. Our old-timers hand this down.
In my own case, my sponsor of then said to me "Dont go messing around with the girls. They're here for the same purpose as you, to get clean and stay clean".
And in all my 24 years, Ive kept that agreement. And ive seen many relapse, die or be ex-communicated because they took advantage of a woman newcomers' vulnerability.
One has to be conscious in choice !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
As addicts, we are also looking for something to replace our drugs. I've seen way too many addicts throw away their recovery over a relationship. Whatever you do, keep your recovery first.
i was in a recovery house too and it was too co-ed it was more like an in house dating service for most...and you could see the relapse in the air not the love. h and i meetings would bring meetings in and all i heard over and over again was this " in our house which was 106 only 2 or 3 would continue to remain clean." that was the statistic, and as i looked around i realized that this would be true because what i saw was alot of dating, cheating, breaking up, etc. all around me. nd i decided long before i went there that i wanted recovery more then anything so i chose to be one of those 2 or 3 people to make it...i did this by staying focused and running my own program and only my program. and i continue to do it today. i know that if i involved myself in others actions i wouldnt be here today. so good luck try to keep focused on you. remember the statistics....how bad do you want a better life.
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kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
We are told that one of the biggest stumbling blocks to our recovery is placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others(Basic Text.i'LL LET YOU 'GO ON A TREASURE HUNT AND FIND IT":) My sponsor used to say that........RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE A TERRIBLY PAINFUL AREA.Remember we do form relationships early on ,,with the group ,our sponsor ,our God etc.We talk of not making and major CHANGES and keeping our recovery FIRST IN OUR EARLY RECOVERY.WE may try to substitute romantic relationships,obsessions with other areas(me for example,gambling,hunting,martial arts,running,church groups,etc)not keping my focus on day at a time recovery...Stay close to your process,when you leave the house ,even more important to stay in support with other addicts working an honest program of recovery and reach for the "new life,a day at a time..We get help by sharing whats on our minds,good workk,keep coming back......better yet STAY!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
this whole 'recovery' or 'half way house' stuff is just a mystery to me. How are you gonna fill up a house with addicts and expect them all to stay clean? I have no personal experience with them, but i've seen how all too often, one person goes down and takes the whole house with him/her. Sex and dating is often part of the chaos that brings it all down. They are "for profit" entities and so the rules bend according to the financial needs of the owner. I just don't get it. A person leaves their own home because they need to get away from all the old using buddies, so they move into a house full of addicts with a few weeks clean? Just another example of how clueless society is when it comes to dealing with addicts.
I have no opinion on outside issues. Never been thru a halfway way house, but many do come through there before they get to the rooms. Our job is to help them understand there is hope for a better tomorrow.
And we do have suggestions. Like avoid any major changes or relationships for a year..... is one of them.
Wanna change you rlife? You have to want it, want it more then anything else, car, girl, money, etc.
How can we love another before we love ourselves?
-- Edited by Davethewave on Saturday 31st of December 2011 05:55:48 PM
"And we do have suggestions. Like avoid any major changes or relationships for a year..... is one of them."
I think that GENERALLY that's a good idea for people in early recovery...but it can't be said that everyone who gets in a relation ship in the first year would not be able to handle a break up.
P.S. I've never seen that "suggestion" anywhere in the program on paper.
-- Edited by Davethewave on Saturday 31st of December 2011 05:55:48 PM
-- Edited by deebz on Wednesday 4th of January 2012 03:59:01 AM
