Hi everyone! I am from alanon and Have some questions.. I hope i dont offend anyone.. Id also like to say that I myself have been threw treatment but i was very young at time.. (sober now for 12 years) So here is my question... I have a bf that has been a heroin addict for over ten years now.. We have been together for almost 2 years. In this time he has went threw treatment and has been sober for 8 months but the past 4 or 5 months he is using again.. Totally out of control.. Stealing from me and my 6 year old son ect ect.. I know this is a disease and this is NOT how this man really acts.. Im just havig a hard time not taking it personal... I guess im looking for some esh from the "other side"... I know his head isnt inthe right place.. But i will never truely understand it and he wont explain... To him he is back to thinking it isnt a problem.. I know its nit for me to decide so i dont rub it in but i myself do see a huge problem.. Can someone explain where your head goes to hurt the people closest to u so much..??? Once again im in NO WAY trying to put down or offend anyone... Simply trying to understand.. Horrible day for me... I currently have my bfs stuff packed because i need some sanity... Im feeling horrible but need to take care of myself... Also please feel free to tell me if i offended any of u...
Hi Kris, my name is Raman and Im a clean and serene addict.
I read your post with interest. And I cant help thinking" "what is there to understand ?
Three basics about addiction; 1. you didn't cause it 2. you cant control it 3. you cant cure it
We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Addiction is a cunning enemy of life. One of the most devious aspects is the mechanism called "rationalization". Making excuses and denying the obvious are part of the enabling process. These are basically the process of constructing a logical justification for a decision that was originally arrived at through a different mental process.
Yes clean addicts are lovable and caring people but with the disease in progress, it's havoc. Without wanting to sound harsh or judgemental and condemning, maybe it's time now to re-look at the decision to have him as boyfriend. Seeing that he has already stolen from you and your son, will he suddenly have a change and stop using stealing, justifying etc ? No, most probably not. You'd do him a favor by being critical and asking him to seek recovery...
My own recovery has been best when I took those hard decisions, in the belief that this was best for all concerned. The time comes when we have to let go with love and understanding, and move on towards our own individual Destiny !
God/HP keep you Blessed in your own recovery.....
-- Edited by Raman on Tuesday 13th of December 2011 03:08:07 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Like Raman said, you didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control. Those are Al-Anon slogans. I'm wondering why you don't just get this guy out of your life. It seems like you have co-dependency issues here. I know that I would not allow a heroin addict who steals from me back in my home.
What's so hard to understand? Your boyfriend is a junkie. He uses dope and steals from you and your child because he demands drugs and your an easy target. He will keep stealing from you untill he cleans up, or you leave him. I would suggest you stop trying to understand him and protect yourself and your child. what are your al-anon friends saying?
Hi. I'm a member of Al-Anon too. Our understanding is that we keep the focus on ourselves. We do not have to take abusive behavior, ever. The person we love has a disease. That does not give the person a pass to walk all over you. His recovery is up to him. If he has relapsed, he needs to get into recovery. Your throwing him out is how he will find his way. Taking care of him does not allow him the opportunity to take care of himself. Go to as many meetings as you can. Read our Conferenced Approved Literature. There is a great pamphlet called the Merry-go-round of denial. That might be a good place to start, right after the door has slammed on his butt.
Hi. I'm a member of Al-Anon too. Our understanding is that we keep the focus on ourselves. We do not have to take abusive behavior, ever. The person we love has a disease. That does not give the person a pass to walk all over you. His recovery is up to him. If he has relapsed, he needs to get into recovery. Your throwing him out is how he will find his way. Taking care of him does not allow him the opportunity to take care of himself. Go to as many meetings as you can. Read our Conferenced Approved Literature. There is a great pamphlet called the Merry-go-round of denial. That might be a good place to start, right after the door has slammed on his butt.
My names Mike, I'm a grateful recoverying addict. During my active addiction I did whatever it took to stay loaded including stealing from family.
Don't continue to enable him! Hard Love is the only way. Yeah, kick his butt out. If you have proof of his thefts I'd go so far as filing legal charges. My mother did it to me some 35 odd years ago. I hated her for it then. Today I'm 31yrs Clean and love her for it.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
hi he needs a rock bottom before he can see there might just be a problem. as long as he has you there isant a problem. help him possibly find thasat bottom and then maybe he will get up and get right. right now you are a cushion not allowing that hard crash when he realizes he at the bottom.best of luck. pull the cushion and let him fall give him the opportunity to find his way back. and save you and your son first.
-- Edited by kellyrae428 on Tuesday 13th of December 2011 01:45:36 PM
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kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
Thanks everyone... If you want you can check out my last few posts on alanon page... I am just now checking these as the last couple days i have kicked out my bf and he is now homeless inthe cold and spent a night in jail because he would not leave my home.... HARDEST THING IVE EVER HAD TO DO... I do understand and know what all of you are saying.. I guess I just like to look at things from both sides of the street to understand fully.. Yes ultimately I know what I have to do for ME and my son.. I GUESS i was just wanting a glimpse or how it is on the other side of the street... What goes on in ones mind or body physically/ emotionally to lead a person to hurt so many that they love... I know its not intentional... Just wondering what it was that made others do these things?? Body pain and just needing to get it to go away any means possible???? Idk??
Your complicating a very simple thing. Your bf uses drugs because he is an addict. He lies and steals from people that love him because he needs money to feed his habit and the loved ones are the easiest targets. an addict jonesing for a fix does not have a conscience. protecting yourself and your son was the only sane thing to do. As a bonus it just may get your bf to get clean with the help of NA and a higher power he can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live. I know it's possible for him, because it works for me. Just for today, i never have to use again.
when i was using...my priority was getting hi and the things did to get my drugs didnt matter those i hurt only made me feel guilty for a couple minutes maybe, my whole perception wasnt about what i would be doing to those i love my minds only thought was what it was going to take to get what i needed to make getting hi a reality in that moment and what i would have to do to convince those i was stealing from that i didnt do it,,,,because thats how off i really am when im using. stealing,lying,running, and doing it over and over again it didnt matter that i had burned thru friends and family as long as i got hi PERIOD. END OF STORY! glad hes gone...now maybe he will have a moment of clarity of his own...good luck to all of you and happier holidays for you and your son.
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kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
