well after a couple days of major guilt and shame, I am ready to accept the fact that I relapsed on the 1st. I am just so disgusted and angry with myself. And it's over the same shit, a reservation I have or better yet character defect whatever you want to call it: Anger. I am not even angry about the 2 years I lost, anymore. I just in this haze of going back to my routine.
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"Faith and reason are like two wings on which the human spirit risises to the contemplation of truth. Try to fly on one wing and a creature would fall to the ground."
Welcome back, glad you didn't die out there! Give yourself a break, it's ok to be a newcomer again. Our disease of addiction is cunning and powerful and wants to take us all out. You are Clean today. Remember, A Day Clean is a Day Won!
Now get your butt to some face to face Meetings! The NA Program really does work if you want it and work it. There is great power to be found in total Surrender.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
yeah go easy on yourself, whats done is done and you probably understand your addiction better now, the NA book talks about these things and says we need to get more serious about working the program, try doing something different this time, work the program and keep working it for the rest of your life, make it your life and I know that can be difficult we end up going back to self reliance, I know I nearly relapsed about 3 weeks ago after more then 5 years clean, so close but im clean still, but i feel almost like i relapsed i did so many things wrong i was in the relapse just didnt use.
So God blessed us to have another chance at this, you'll take it more serious this time and one less reservation i'm sure....
thanks for your help, the funny thing is when i was in the "out there" thank God only a day and a half, an NA member I knew stopped his car for me because he didn't want me sitting in the "bad section of our city" by myself at night while I waited for a clean friend to come pick me up. I went to a meeting last night, I stayed quiet though. tonight I am going to the City where I use to go to a meeting with my sponsor, I will feel a little more comfortable there. I have this bad habit of always choosing my comfort over my life.
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"Faith and reason are like two wings on which the human spirit risises to the contemplation of truth. Try to fly on one wing and a creature would fall to the ground."
That is an excellent question, what am I going to do different? I spent so much time trying to break down the 12 steps that I didn't just follow them. Another thing I should always remember and this goes back to my rehab days, but still works today, "don't sweat the small stuff." Thanks to everyone for their support!
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"Faith and reason are like two wings on which the human spirit risises to the contemplation of truth. Try to fly on one wing and a creature would fall to the ground."
well after a couple days of major guilt and shame, I am ready to accept the fact that I relapsed on the 1st. I am just so disgusted and angry with myself. And it's over the same shit, a reservation I have or better yet character defect whatever you want to call it: Anger. I am not even angry about the 2 years I lost, anymore. I just in this haze of going back to my routine. 
