don't know what prompted it but i had a using dream....and i did enjoy it. But i still woke up feeling guilty.
i don't have them very often.....and honestly i'm not remembering my dreams all that often lately either, but i sure know when i've had a using dream...i almost remember every single detail.
i woke up and thanked my HP that it was only a dream, ...!!!!
i had this dream yesterday morning....its still vivid in my mind.
i stayed clean for a year and 3 months, i have fallen now 3 times the last being october 8-9 th weekend
i lost a little faith in myself from those falls, seems after the first fall the rest became easier. which is totally the wrong way of thinking.
i didn't take anyone else into account that last time. My family is very upset and disappointed and.....ya. My mom and sister haven't spoken to me since. i was totally selfish and self consumed . it started out with a drink and running into someone i knew and i through my whole weekend out the window along with the trust and hope that a bit of recovery put on my family.
i'm ashamed of course but i've learned i can't live in guilt and shame. and ya thats easy to say...
i gotta say though that i really scared myself, i soooo saw where i could go back to in the blink of an eye. For me that was no home, no family, no friends, no job, no car, no bank account, living on the streets, oh i must not forget killing myself!
so i guess the fact that my last use was only a couple of weeks ago that explains why i'm dreaming of it...i hate them
i hate addiction
i hate that it sucked me in, my blood boils just thinking about it
I had my first using dream when I had about 2 monthc clean. I was walking down my street drinking a beer, I said I don't drink anymore and threw the beer in a trash can. It's strange but every using dream I've had have been simelar. Another one I was smoking a joint realized what i had done and the agonized over the loss of my clean time and the need to announce my relapse at a meeting. It's always a relief to wake up and realize that it was just a dream. Were addicts and most of us used for a great many years, and maybe it's the sick side of our brain messing with us while we sleep. The thing to do is talk about it with another addict. Good luck. Bob.
