Just wanted to share this briefly about how the insanity of "life" in general,yes even in recovery, thinking im doing the work, can build and take us back to our insane behaviors.Dont get me wrong,I fall short daily, but sometimes I tell myself things that arent true(hello!!)

Last week im heading to lunch and come to an intersection where I have to look deep left and then get out on the highway to head right.Just as I see all is clear I go to pull out and a bike rider comes right alongside my right window  and I stop short trying not to hit him ,startled that anyone was there..Anyway guy yells in my window you F%$^&ing  A&&*hole..()) ,watch where your going you Jerk...Now normally I would be okay ,drive on ,glad I didnt hit him and go forward. This day I rammed my car into a lot and turned riding after him..Picture this...This 64 year old man in a 1990 toyota station wagon chasing down this young buck in his Lance Armstrong uniform like an insane man....I pull along side and yell out my window.Look man ,I m sorry i didnt see you coming ,but dont ever talk to me like that ,show some respect and watch your language,.He says you almost hit me man,I said yes Iam sorry ,but show me respect.HE NODDED AND DROVE ON......I drive back to get my lunch and within 15 minutes im good.I took my own inventory and his(yes he was on wrong side,etc,always looking for the other part,you know,SICK.......)but I realise the thing that struck me most was my immediate insane reaction,I am usually much more in control of situations I am not a violent man...,I truly believe it was the culmination of many things going on inside myself for awhile.I too hadnt been in my morning office of spirtual readings,my self centeredness was rearing its ugly head,i was full of fear and anxiety about moving,leaving my job and me,me ,me stuff.I believe God allowed the insanity to bring me to a reflection of what was going on inside....So I get home tell my wife the story and tell her ,sorry babe if I been out of sorts for last couple months or so ,i'll get back on track I see the writing on the wall.....She looks at me with that love in her eyes and says"Mike ,Sarah(my 23 yr old daughter) and I both been saying you been a bear for the last year..THE LAST YEAR!!! and Im thinking all is well. Well anyway, nothing like  a little rude awakening for this addict,You see the insanity is always with us(keep it on me)its just a matter of how we learned to assess a situation instead of reacting ,like we ,I , ALWAYS DID IN THE PAST..Im good now, back to working harder, sharing more with other addicts,and continually seeking God's will ,though evil is always present.  All I could say to my wife as I gave her a GIANT hug ,please ,tell me sooner when I need to go to my room,self sponsorship never did work for me...Thanks for listening to this tale , it sure has helped me get it out and leave it out...Somedays Im just sicker than others but all days clean are truly an opportunity to keep working......