so im just checking in and i have GREAT news. well it isnt that great but im pretty happy about it. 1) im still clean. 2) me and my boyfriend are doing much better than the last time i posted. 3) i joined a gym. i used to workout everyday in high school and i forgot how good it felt to be drenched in sweat. SO GOOD. my goal is to lose 20 lbs. not that i need to, i only weigh 127lbs but i would be happy with looking at myself in the mirror if i didnt look fat. 4) im doign a "healthy" diet. no starving myself this time. 3 meals a day. one serving. no snacks period. only drinking water and working out atleast one hour a day. 5) this is my 3rd going on 4th day without having a cigarette. yes i almost bought some today on my way to the gym but i turned up the radio and just kept on driving. im sure there was something else i was going to share but i cant remember. i can say this is the first time ive been happy in years. happy with life, happy with myself and all i had to do was get my ass off the couch. i went on a trail ride today with my horse, my boss, and a mutual friend and it was gorgeous! my fav time of the year. the leaves are changing and it was beautiful out today.