Dad died. Drugs. Rehab. Meetings. Boyfriend. Fiance. Break up. Moved home.
Moving on...
I would have 3 years on 1/1 except....
I drank of 6/4 I drank for my 21st birthday and last night I smoked a joint.
I drank for no apparent reason on the 4th.
I drank on my 21st cause I felt entitled. And I smoked last night to finally start hanging out with people my age after a long engagement with another recovering addict 2x my age.
Now...
I have this friend. She's now in the rooms. And that makes me feel like I could come back and still be able to act/feel/experience things that other 21 yr olds do.
But, I have this other friend, and she does not have a problem w/ drugs/alcohol. And I smoked with her last night. Also to feel the freedom I have not felt for the 2 yr and 9 months I was in said relationship.
I know step one. And two. And three. Im just having trouble balancing being so Fing young, and being in the program.
Age can be an issue for some. I was 21 years and 10 months old when I got clean 27 years ago (Clean date October 6, 1984). There were very few young people in NA or AA at that time. There are a lot more young people in these programs today, at least in my area. I did feel kind odd as a young person (am I too young for this?), but when I got honest with myself I knew that I was an addict and I didn't want to spend another 10, 20, 30 years doing what I was doing. By the time I got clean, I had already smoked a ton of pot, drank an ocean of beer and liquor, experimented with other drugs, etc. I knew that I had had enough and that one more bong hit, beer, or mushroom wasn't going to be worth it. You have to make that decision for yourself. Maybe you're not ready yet. If you're not, go out and use drugs again and see what happens (that's what the said in my day). We'll still be here if you want to come back.
When your done you will know it. I sponsor a young man who just turned 15. He has been through several rehabs and nearly flatlined from an od. He calls me every day, faithfully attends meetings, and follows suggestions. He works the program with a dedication that is rare and beautiful. Will he "make it"?..... I dunno. I have given up trying to make those judgements. I do know that "just for today" he probably won't use. PS He does more for me than he knows. peace.
Hey Kid21 Welcome.....in our 1st step the healing begins when we make that "emotional acceptance of utter defeat' from our using drugs....Only you can determine if you have ever arrived there yet! Ours is a program for those who want it and not necessarily need it. You'll know when your done,when the pain outweighs the pleasure it can be the moving experience that brings us to total surrender or going on to jails institutions deriliction or death.We all arrive at the same place sooner or later using drugs.This is no sermon as there are no big I's or little U's here ,we just share our ESH with each other and carry our message of hope.Check it out ,your on this site for some reason and you have tasted not using but did you ever move toward recovery(a sponsor,our solution ,the steps,giving back in service,continually showing up?) Tottally different animal!!!One of the hardest things for me was figuring out who the heck was I gonna hang with (all people I knew were using) played drums in Rock/Roll band(still do) and it was part of the scene gettin high(so I thought,how could I go on while everyone else was partying and I was straight as an arrow.TOO MUCH PROJECTION.I had to decide how much longer could I live as I was(3 marriages,2 divorces,death of best friends,felony arrests and convictions,long bid in mental institution they were saying i was crazy(somewhat true!!)insane from drug use more like it and spent 25 years out on the tiles,I became ready to die or find a new way to live.God's grace allowed me to choose the latter..Keep coming back let us know how your doing,If you ain't done,then aint much can be done,gotta come from you.There is another way to live though..We'll leave the light on! peace.......
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I hear ya. I will be turning 21 on 3/7 and to be honest it scares the shit out of me. Ive been using since i was 10. recovered for over a year. had relationship problems, tried to kill myself, and used until i was in an almost fatal car accident, ended up in the hospital many many many times and now im giving this recovery shit another try. ask anyone here they will tell you im ignorant, stubborn, and kind of crazy. but who isnt? welcome. go to a meeting. my email is on my page if you need me. its not very often we get another young person here. :)
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I was 23 when I started recovery and I thought how could I relate to people twice my age. What I discovered was that there were many people at the same maturity level as I regardless of age....... though when I came in, I was going to die if I stayed out there any longer. Some people were envious of my age and some people thought I hadn't suffered enough to get it....... but those are the people I didn't form relationships with, I stuck with the people who age wasn't a problem. I'm now almost 4 years clean (Nov. 6 will be 4), I've graduated college, got married and I'm living the dream. I am so grateful that I was able to get it when I was young. I have the opportunity to rebuild my life into the one I always dreamed of. Your never to young to recover, and really I saved myself 10,15,20 years of abuse and pain.
just my experiance...
Andrea
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
The first thing, get clean and sober, and stay that way 1 day at a time. go to meetings daily or even 2-3 per day if possible. Get a sponsor. We stay c/s ONE DAY AT A TIME. Also get a hold of the Relapse prevention methods and USE THEM daily.
I relapsed several times , in and out of inpatient, men's recovery group. I wasn't actively pRACTICING RELAPSE PREVENTION !
possible factors and warning signs might be
Stopping medications on ones own or against the advice of medical professionals Hanging around old drinking haunts and drug using friends slippery places Isolating not attending meetings not using the telephone for support Keeping alcohol, drugs, and paraphernalia around the house for any reason Obsessive thinking about using drugs or drinking Failing to follow ones treatment plan quitting therapy skipping doctors appointments Feeling overconfident that you no longer need support Relationship difficulties ongoing serious conflicts a spouse who still uses Setting unrealistic goals perfectionism being too hard on ourselves Changes in eating and sleeping patterns, personal hygiene, or energy levels Feeling overwhelmed confused useless stressed out Constant boredom irritability lack of routine and structure in life Sudden changes in psychiatric symptoms Dwelling on resentments and past hurts anger unresolved conflicts Avoidance refusing to deal with personal issues and other problems of daily living Engaging in obsessive behaviors workaholism gambling sexual excess and acting out Major life changes loss grief trauma painful emotions winning the lottery Ignoring relapse warning signs and triggers
Make a list of triggers and warning signs and keep them with you on an index card. Always have the names and phone numbers of at least 3 people you can call on the card too.
Hey man - I hope welcome back to you - just to add a couple items: 1. "smoking pot" so you could socialize - hey man thats MAJOR DENIAL . We do drugs cause we are ADDICTS / and it is "our "medicine"
2. I can see already some of your triggers to relapse - which you might write on an index card - I used them a lot. a. feelings of grief, loss , anger- get these - call sponsor - go to meeting - call other member.
b. hanging out with people who are using - wow -thats a sure invite for you to use!-
c. Try to get in touch with your feelings -if you aren't aware of them - easy to "act them
out" - sponsor, therapist, old timers can help with this too.
3. Its not AMBIVALENCE - its DENIAL OF ADDICTION. Work a good step 1 with sponsor.
VERY BEST WISHES TO YOU
DRirab
-- Edited by irab on Sunday 2nd of October 2011 08:35:44 PM
We, as addicts, can not use any mind altering drug without unlocking our addiction all over again. The addict in us wants us dead, will settle for us high.
But it took me 8 months to realize that, coming to most meetings high. When the pain became great enough, I finally quit ALL drugs, and asked for help.
First I just came to meetings. Then I came to in meetings, realizing that I was the problem, and drugs weren't the solution.
I came to believe that the program could work for me.
-- Edited by Davethewave on Wednesday 5th of October 2011 04:42:47 PM
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