Good Mornin NA Family! Just thought I'd give a little update as to my thoughts and actions recently. Woke up Sunday Mornin cravin drugs and in a foul mood. Needless to say my anxiety and irritablility sky rocketed. Unfortunately, my husband was the recipent of all my unbridled fury. This led to guilt and then to a few drinks and some cannabis. I am definitly having issues with my emotions since stopping the opiates. I feel so unstable.
On the bright side, I just attended my 3rd meeting. Also, whether I want to quit cannabis or not I'm going to have to. My son started kindergarten this year, leaving me with many hours free. That and the recent seperation of my husband and I has left me financially broke. So considering these two factors its quite obvious what i must do...GET A JOB!!! Now I haven't worked since I was pregnant 6 years ago. I am scared! Isolation has made me scared. So, for the nexty 30 days I must stay clean, and who knows how I will feel about pot at the end of that time. I just might decide to stay clean after finding a job.
Also, I would like to thank everyone who have responded to my posts...it reallly helps someone who has become so isolated! Oh, one more request...please send prayers of strength my way! Thanks!!!
Lets say this together Paula,, "Take my will and my life, Guide me in my recovery, Show me how to live"
My prayer to Higher Power is not only to be clean but also serene.. The equeation's very simple; The longer I stay clean, the longer I need to stay serene, because, the more i stay serene, the more I stay clean.
Anger has been the most persistent defect, needing constant letting go of. However, I need to let go of my anger with love and understanding rather than controlling it.
Like Ive heard tell, anger is a reactiont; it is and a denial of reality and acceptance leads to serenity...
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Raman said it just the way i would have, head the words of wisdom.
This is a boat and all we can do is try to reach others with life preservers, its then your choice whether to grab hold of our offering, it takes a very very strong desire that has to be kept 24/7.
A few weeks back i awoke with an unbelievable craving for crack, what i have to realize is that theres something inside of me very unsettled for that craving to come the way it did, and I did have something deep down bothering me and I faced that, I talked to someone immediately about the thought, took it to a meeting later and told on myself again and talked about what was bothering me and of course the thought, craving left, but it sits and waits like a tiger. Quietly, patiently, waiting for me to get side tracked, then it pounces and trys to devour me but we have so much to fight our attacker.
Make it apart of your daily living, you too can stay clean.
Hey Par. Whatever reason we have for getting clean is a good enough reason. Keep going to meetings, the message is there. prayers...............................comin' atcha!!!
Hey Par! Reservations" places we leave in our recoveries to validate using if things dont work out for us..(30 days!!!i'll see how it goes,dangerous thinking for an addict,keep it on me here))Until we let go of our reservations,no matter what they are, the foundation of our recoveries are in danger!We are subject to emotional and spiritual lapses causing us to become defenseless against physical relapse of drug use. THERE WILL BE TIMES WHEN WE REALLY FEEL LIKE USING,WE WANT TO RUN AND WE FEEL LOUSY.WE NEED TO BE REMINDED OF WHERE WE CAME FROM AND USING WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE(RECOVERY/RELAPSE)......Only you can decide how much you want this and make the decision to do what it takes to stay clean...In support in prayer,keep coming back,do it day at a time,projection is a monster in itself....peace
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
