That ole devil called anger paid an un-annouced, unwelcome visit on Sunday nite at work.
there I was, havin had a great week, bein quite popular with the folks I played my music for, the monthly cheque came in, I did NA homegroup and MIP regularly, and had good vibes with my ma and girl and alll was well.
But I hadnt really walked or Meditated; perfect devil ground..
the sunday nite was looking good and we had good crowd and then it happens (and Im still wondering why ????)
I went to this young barman who had yelled at me to keep the volume down and said to him
"hey what happened ? i thought we'd agreed you wont yell at me after the last time"
Then he gets aggressive and shouts "No I didnt"
Now Im thinking "i should have left it at that" but didnt.
This escalates and management steps in and next day Ive some explaining to do and carry a warning too.
Man, what a mess, and to think that this happened just when Id believed I was done with the anger thing....
So, this morning, I Meditated...
the resentment is out for now,,, Im greatful for that.
Im also greatful that this is a just for today Program...
"
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Clean it out my brother! Seen it coming,know the solution,got back to it and will make even more progress next time(for sure)Sounds like the process in action to me!!Remember where that would've gone in days way past!!! Have a blessed and productive day my friend
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I too like to think that "Thank God I'm done with that character defect" only to have it flair up and bite me in the ass. Now when I recall that I haven't felt a particular defect in a while I thank my power and pray for His grace to continue. We live we learn. "What a long strange trip it's been" HeHeHe
Ahh, feelin you there! My mother flipped a switch in me that I thought was long, long, like 1985 long gone and I cursed at her for raising her hand to me & my daughter. As justified as I felt at the moment I spoke I also knew instantly that I'd have to swallow that big fat pride of mine and apologize and start the next day anew... yes, I'm also very greatful that this is a 'just for today' program... Peace, kd
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"The Greatest Possession We Have is The 24 Hours Ahead Of Us"
yes Don, it feels crazy to crack up on someone like that, shows me up as a villian....
Strange damn trip indeed,,, thank God we got the 10th.
"act in haste and repent at leisure""" is what was happening till I got tuff on myself this morn and Meditated (sittin in Silence) for sometime.
These mad acts make me wonder if I was at the other end of that persons defect or was he at the other end of mine.... gosh, these are real times to get off rear end comfort and get cracking on building up some Serenity...
Im going to remember your tip; be greatful in times of Serenity,, rather than wondering where that defect went or whether it is coming back...
Thanks for the reassurance Mike bro...... am really greatful Im not a street fighter anymore.....Id be in real trouble if it wasnt for 12 Steps...... Like you say, real testing ground for the Program and where Im at really... I realize some of that mischief was caused by myself too; like being a bit shy to express real feelings or even to acknowledge to myself the fear of playing music in a bar 5 nites a week, or the frustration that comes when I begin that the music isnt really being appreciated....
So from this week, Im also going to sing many standards; thatll keep the tension away.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Thanks for the empathy KD.... yes,, love is stronger than pride,,, I know,,, its just that I forget at times..... Im glad I did an immediate 9th on that barman, that way at least Im clean of remorse and self-recrimination....
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
back to a 5 day work-week after a two day break...
I know that as long as I remember Im a recovering addict and being clean and serene is my first priority,, all will be well. Being a recovering addict, I know I need deep acceptance that Im there for work, I know other way to earn my livelihood than playing my sax.
I also need acceptance of the fact that each and every body that visits there (maybe except .05 %) are there to drink and have a good time. The company earns from that fact and my salary is dependent on that.
Im not there for any form of vicarious pleasure; I do my job and be the best recovering addict that I can be.
The other day, the doorman, who is an AA, and I were sharing how we were feeling and accepted the fact that it is we who had the drinking/addiction problem.
Ive sometimes found myself evaluating their response to my music and that seems ok. What could be dangerous is to judge their drinking habits; Im the one with the dis-ease of addiction. It' us that needs to take care and be centred in Narcotics Anonymous and Higher Power.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
