we all know that am a week from a realpse but the question i didn't answer was what triggered me the honesty this program requires is honesty to self even which for me is a rough one honest with you not so much an issue...now this is not saying i don't take resposibilty for my actions and so forth but my doctors have informed me my right kidney has failed it no longer drains so that really took a toll on my brain more so when he said in was inoperatable so i am dangeled by what is to happen next knowing i am powerless but that my Hp whom i choose to call god has a plan i would like him to shed some light but in his time not mine just though ti owuld get some shit off my chest
__________________
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
I hear people talk about 'triggers' often in meetings. I think this comes from counselors and rehabs. I don't really like the idea of 'triggers' I think that we relapse because we are addicts who have not fully surrendered. We cling to reservations and wishes. When we fully admit our powerlessness over people places and things, when we truly come to believe that only a power greater than ourselves can keep us clean, and turn our will over without qualificaton, then we simply don't use....no matter what. this sounds simple and it is simple....but it is not easy. Relapse is a part of my story as well. But "trigger" ?....that's the horse the Lone Ranger rode, right? Peace.
A gentleman in my homegroup who has worked his program for 39 years (Amazing !!!! Started his journey at 22yrs old and has never looked back) shared that for him, life was a "trigger" and so he had to learn a new way to live it. He shares that he has done so through the ever changing and always present grace of God, his higher power, in his life. When I thought about this, I saw that the same was true for myself. Anything and everything that happened to me on any given day was a reason to use. Today, through the grace of my HP, I no longer live that way. Relapse too has been part of my story. I realize now that it was because I had not fully surrendered, and that I will continue to relapse for as long as that takes. The most important lesson I have learned is that it is totally up to me when and if that happens. Today I choose to surrender. Peace
Hey MANON,GOOD TO SEE YOU CONTINUING TO SHARE ,WE HAVE MISSED YOU. I also don't subscribe to "triggers"(yes Don that was Roy's horses)Our literature calls them "reservations"places in our program that we have reserved for relapse.They are things tucked away it is said, we may not even be conscious of them. We have to 'EXPOSE" THEM and cancel them. How do we do that "if we may not be fully conscious of them?Fearless and searching inventories,going inside and taking a look,sharing,etc..talking with our sponsor,others in recovery..Thanks for sharing Manon,,I'll continue to lift you up to my HIGHER POWER, WHOM i CHOOSE TO CALL GOD.....
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
What I don't like about the notion of a trigger is that it implies that the decision to use drugs again is not in my control. If I come upon a trigger,then I will use again. Ergo, the way I stay clean is by avoiding my triggers. What I have learned in NA is that I do have a choice to use or not use today. I also know that if I choose to use, I will start down a path again that leads to habitual drug use and bad consequnences for me and others. Today, I don't want to get back on that path.
