JUST WANTED TO SHARE A LITTLE BIT..AS I WAS READING SOME OF SHARING..IT REMINDED HOW GREAT MY HP IS IN MY LIFE..WHEN I SURRENDERED A LITTLE OVER 5 YEARS AGO..MY HP WAS THERE ..IN THE MIDST OF MY DARKNESS..SEE I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS NOT EQUIPPED TO GO TO THE PIT OF DESPAIR WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING ...BUT GOD IS...EVERYTIME I TOOK MY LAST CRACK HIT..I COULD FEEL THE INTENSE CONFLICT GOING ON IN ME..TO USE OR NOT TO USE..I MEAN LIFE THREATING QUESTIONS TOSSING AROUND AND AROUND...LIFE THREATING IF I COULD NOT GET ANOTHER HIT..LIFE THREATING TO GO ON TO THE BITTER ENDS..SUCH DESPAIR..SUCH A PLACE OF DESPERATION..ONLY MY GOD..COULD BE THERE IN THE MIDST OF ALL THAT..THE USING ADDICTS I WAS WITH..HAD NO IDEA OF MY PAIN. ( I MEAN REALLY)..MY FAMILY MEMBERS..I HAD RAN OFF...THE ADDICT THAT WAS CLEAN..KNEW OF THE DESPAIR..BUT UNABLE TO COME EXACTLY WHERE I WAS AT..NOT READY TO GET CLEAN IN A CRACK HOUSE..(THE DESIRE WAS THERE) BUT I WASN'T READY...ONLY GOD COULD SHOW UP..AND HE DID...EVERYDAY..EVERY NIGHT..EVERY MINUTE..THAT'S WHY I BELIVE THIS IS A SPIRITUAL BATTLE..AND UNTIL I GIVE UP (SURRENDER) I WILL NEVER WIN THIS BATTLE..I HAVE TO SURRENDER EVERYDAY..TODAY I AM GRATEFUL TO THROW IN THE TOWEL...WHEN I DO THAT I HAVE GOD POWER..I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE POWER TO OVERCOME ON A DAILY BASIS..THANK YOU FOR THE 12 STEPS
Thanks Feisty ,I really hear an feel your gratitude and truly relate. I always relate to knowing that 'IF GOD IS FOR US ,WHO CAN STAND AGAINST US! For it is only thru God's grace and mercy that we were allowed that (for me) THAT last opportunity to come to emotional acceptance of utter surrender,The healing then began!! Good to see ya~
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
