I go to an AA meeting, where other addicts also go, like me. Tonight, a young woman shared. I'd only seen her there once before, last week - she comes with the spouse of one of our regular members. She was jittery, weepy and clearly quite loaded. After the meeting, a few of the women, including myself, went over to her to give her phone numbers, hug and introduce and extend the hand. She smelled overpoweringly of alcohol, yet had said during her share that she had 9 weeks dry.
Anyone have experience with helping someone like this? She asks to go to the meetings. Her husband is apparently accusing her of going to meet men. Sounds like a very volatile situation all around. She has kids, and is on the verge of CPS involvement, whether she knows it or not. My heart aches for her, and I know well how she feels...
You can carry the message but can't carry the addict. You can give her phone numbers, rides to meetings, hugs, etc. but she has to be willing to stop using. You certainly can't make her stop. Everyone has to get to a point where they are willing to do something different, to make a change. She seems that she is getting there--at least she is willing to go to meetings--but may not have reached her bottom yet.
Keep coming back is one of the most powerful messages we have. There is no requirement to be clean, just a desire to stop using. I wouldn't co-sign her denial but I wouldn't beat her up with it either. I also don't know if I would take her to meetings if she was using. Not a healthy situation for me, but I would encourage her to come back clean (sober) and have hope.
I would point out to this women that she does smell like alcohol. I don't let people think that they are getting away with anything. Sometimes we think we are fooling people and can be shocking yet relieving that someone else gets it. I would still welcome her and not shame her, but offer of support and remind that you can't help unless their is some honesty.
just my thought
Andrea
__________________
people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Yeah Andrea; once in the grip of the dis-ease, the addict does nothing but deny. Denial keeps the addict suffering. And in my own 12 stepping experience, denying addicts can also be dis-honest in other ways. Some can take the suffering longer, some arent that strong in denial, some make it, some dont...
Sigh,,, if only they would take a group of NA members as Higher Power, if at least for the time being,,, all would be well,,, sigh ,,,hmmm !
No wonder, the Basic Text clearly says that " Honesty is the antidote to our dis-eased thinking". Dis-honesty leaves me in dis-ease, whereas plain and simple honesty keeps me on the road of recovery !
That said, a group of druggies, in concerted action, can make the denier aware of the dis-honesty !!! By sharing experience, strength and hope, not only in regularly scheduled NA meetings but outside too.
I dread to think what would hve happened to me if the guy that'd appointed himself as my sponsor hadnt taken me aside after a meeting one nite and said "Look buddy, I think we need to talk".
He and a bunch of others made it a habit to seat me at their coffee/ dinner tables and talk me out of my dis-honesty and denial.. And that's worked in the case of this once dis-honest addict and countless others, so why not with your prospect ???
And yes, of course, we can only carry the message, and not the addict.. Sage advice from a previous share about not risking contact when she's high. In fact, we need to stay emotionally detached in order to be effective..
Im proud of the way youre working this,, in true NA Spirit !! Recovery hugs to you !
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Thanks for all the replies, so full of wisdom! Funny how at 40, I can feel like such a baby when it comes to handling certain situations correctly. I'm a fixer, so my first thought was, "I'll help her get sober." Then my new learning kicked in, and said otherwise. Guess that means I"m growing, yay! Bless you guys - have a great day!
THE ONLY REQUIREMENT IS A DESIRE....SO THAT MEANS EVEN AS FOLKS ARE STILL LOADED / DRUNK OR WHATEVER...ONLY THEY KNOW THEIR DESIRES...IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS..MY BUSINESS IS THAT THEY ARE IN A MEETING..WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP YOU STAY CLEAN TODAY...THATS IT..
