Well, 4 years into recovery and I'm trying (with my husband, one of his sponsees, my ex-sponsor, and two of my sponsees) to quit smoking.
This disease really blows. I feel like a freakin newcomer. Relapsing here and there, on drug replacement therapy (patches), and totally forgetting the whole first step. Wow. I think it's really given me a better view of the newcomer. It's allowing me to have some compassion for those dealing with the whole "quitting" issue. It's tough stuff!
Monday: finished pack of cigs at noon, slapped on a patch at 3:30, cleaned the house like a maniac
Tuesday: threw a patch on before work, flipped out on husband at supper (and promptly put myself in time-out until my heart stopped racing), didn't kill anyone, found a cigarette at 9pm, smoked it, then threw away the rest of the pack. took hot bath and went to bed.
Today: patch is on, reminding myself: "one is too many, a thousand is never enough..."
I so badly want to be a non-smoker. I didn't START smoking until 2-3 months into recovery. Go-figure. :) Damn disease...
Yes Amanda quitting smoking is as hard or harder as quitting any other drug. I often wonder why NA with it's proud anthem "this is a program of complete abstinance for all drugs", is hypocritically tolerant of nicotene. There is no definition of a drug I have ever heard that would not include nicotene. It is highly addictive, mind/mood atering, and deadly I understand that the primary focus rightfully is opiates, crack and other drugs where an overdose can kill you, but that's not what our literature says....No where does it say that those drugs are the only ones that qualify. Actually the literature goes out of it's way to say that those deadly killers are NOT the only definition of a drug. Pot qualifies, and yet there is clear evidence that nicotene is more addictive and certainly deadlier....but i keep quiet about this because we have to have our priorities and i'm in agreement. I just wish that the program at least acknowledged somewhere that nicotene is a drug and that it is NOT ok to be in NA and use this drug.
My 1st tru addiction at 10 years old.Not only did I steal my mother and fathers money to buy cigarettes,I learned to hang around people and places where I could have older guys get them for me.When I left service in 1970,I was smoking 3 packs a day(actually burning) Cigarettes out to sea were a dollar a carton and we could trade for alcohol and pills overseas.....We were addicted long before we ever used our first drug...nicotine is a deadly drug....I was able to kick all around same time I got clean in "84.very difficult..These days the smell of the fags make me sick(and thats a good thing) good luck,you can do it................
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks for the reminder Amanda.. god kows I must have stopped a 100 times (in recovery) before I stayed stopped. I remember that nite, I took the last of the fags, went out, crushed it and said "I never want to smoke again, ever".
Thanks God, its nigh on 17 years now. The best days of my recovery and the best days of my life have followed..
I identify completely with you,,,, each time I tried to stop in tension (self-driven desire) it became a control thing. then I got angry, afraid etc, so I relapsed on nicotine. Looking back, maybe I wasnt really ready for it.
Then came the brnchitis and the constant feverishness that went with it. I knew I had to stop but the old control methods didnt work. Im glad someone shared the method, so i asked my sponsor to help me and lo and behold, Ive been clean off nicotine since that nite....
Ive had crisis come in all shpes, sizes and forms but 12 Steps give me freedom to stay clean, both narcotics and nicotine... Its been worth it.
remember Amanda, the urge for nicotine is very short, and if you let it pass, then minutes become hours, hours become days and months and years..... I love myself more this way !!! Best of NA luck to you too....
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
