Ah yes, the Pleasure Principle. As addicts we were and are quite adept at the pleasure principle: if it felt good do it snort it smoke it shoot it. Feel good at all costs, consequences be damned. We came to NA like emotionally stunted children regardless our chronological age. Being responsible is contrary to the nature of us self centered self absorbed center of the Universe addicts.
A big part of Recovery, of Life, of being an adult, is doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done whether we feel like it or not.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
For me always remaining God centered in all things is of utmost importance (of course that rhymes with ,just dont use,abstinence MUST come first)Self Centeredness has aways been a major issue with me during active years and during recovery.I must continually work toward always "doing a 10th step"all day and all night,check see what my part is in everything and make adjustments accordingly.Yes doing the right thing for the right reason is a daily lesson I ask for guidance in all my affairs. Do I stumble and fall,OH YEAH! am I better than I used to be ,OH YEAH!!!. RECOVERY/RELAPSE ...Recovery is a continuous uphill journey and without effort we start our slide down the hill again!Being able to see ourselves coming,with help,is a big accomplishment for those locked and loaded in self....(thats me,when I aint doing the work)..I show up, to grow up.....
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
For me it's doing what i need to to be at peace in my own skin. Centering myself with prayer and meditation is how i start my day. When i feel my higher powers prescence I know serenity.
I remember during my addiction, I'd have to worry about handing money up front and risking getting robbed. Which happened to me A LOT! Now I know where my money is being put and I don't have to worry about being robbed! Thank goodness!!
I've been away for a while. Here's some random bits I've come to realize:
Being insecure and not accepting myself for who I am is the epitome of selfishness. When I'm insecure and un-accepting of myself, it's all about me! When it's all about me, I can't see you!
I'm awful self-centered...
I'm becoming more self-aware by practicing steps 6 & 7. Now I'm moving on to step 8... a first for me... I'd get through step 5 and start over again and again.
One of the hardest things for an addict to do is to NOT react. One of the main things I've learned in step 7 is to "BE STILL," as my sponsor tells me. It's fantastic!
I find it difficult to pray, because the "God" of my parents understanding and the "God" of my understanding are in conflict with each other. Can you tell I grew up Catholic? I consider myself a religious eclectic. Just like they say with the 90-day keytag "keep what works and get rid of the rest." I attend sweats fairly regularly, read Buddhist and texts, enjoy a good conversation about the Jesus man, give flowers to Freyja, smudge, participate in pipe ceremonies... it's all over the road and nothing is real consistent right now... it will come...
I am forever grateful for the NA program. When I first got here, there weren't any women with recovery (some were clean, but no recovery). Today, I sponsor 4 amazing women who are all working steps and who work together to accomplish what they couldn't do themselves. It's so fun to sit back and see them solve problems. My recovery circle has grown immensely just by getting off my duff and getting out there. It's amazing!
H&I is where it's at. Someone once said to me, "the best places to find still-suffering addicts is in jails, instutions, and cemetaries." It's amazing what happens in jail meetings... light bulbs go on.
Well, that's it for my latest installment of "Amanda on her soapbox."
