I've not had the opportunity to be a Dad to anything other then my animals and one person. I had a kid who also lived by me in some apartments worked with me to I tried to teach him to ba a painter and he was good.
I sorta took him under my wing for about 5 years but soon as he hit 21 he got lost in the world of drugs and drinking heavely. All that time we had together I talked and told him what things were going to be like, what this program had done for me, at 18 or so his mother died an early death, she was a long time meth user. thats about the time his drinking got worse, he had guilt for a few different reason, he had truly the worse case of love hate for his mother ive ever seen ,his dad was killed by police at an early age in this kids life, gunned down his dad was a bad guy and a dope feind .
So it was ingrained in him, a brother who went in and out of prison, a sister who worked the streets to survive and him, this good kid who was and is still lost.
Thats who i'm thinking about today and also thinking I may have failed him in a few places. I was ROUGH on him I busted his ass trying to get him to understand how bad things would get , maybe I should have been gentler.
So I guess today I do feel like a Dad, one who made mistakes, wish I could turn back time , maybe a few of you feel that way today for other reason.
I forgive my dad for letting me down, I understand he was a sick man and I knew I had to forgive him or i'd never get over my own personal troubles , then I started getting closer to be ready to stay clean.
I did'nt have that heavy heart anymore I didnt have that excuse to stay wasted every day because of hate that I had felt , I didnt feel like I wanted to die anymore because I was sick with this dark hole in me who missed having a good father, I began to trust in God my father who brang me comfort in a time of great fear. I found a father who I can always always depend on who guides and direct my life and gives me nothing but truth and goodness and peace.
So i'd like to wish my heavenly Father a Happy Fathers day also, heres to all of you.
I sent my Dad flowers a few days ago, it was kinda a joke but he loved them, i feel greatful that today I can still love my Dad no matter what . I have a few good memorys of some good times, they are few but i know he did the best he could at the time, I dont beat anyone down for that even when they fall short of my expectations and needs, it brought me where i'm at today and for that I am thankfull. My Dad got 29 years clean this year I bought him a medallion and sent it to him he was thrilled, he's never had anyone give him a medallion and if it werent for AA he never would have gotten clean and stayed clean. I hope everyone finds tha Father in heaven that I have found, he's a good dude :)
