today. today sucks. im taking a personal day from life. im taking a day to sit in this empty house, by myself (well except for the dogs), feeling sorry for myself, depressed, hating life, wanting to use. healthy? deffinetly not. do i care? not at the moment. im 2.5 hours away from home. if i walk out the door im lost. even if i wanted to score i wouldnt know where to go. so thats a plus. there is no reason for this feeling. welp im done complaining and whining. this too shall pass as soon as i fall asleep.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Yes, Liz, Im hoping too that these feelings and problems I have will pass,,,, and fast. Been napping on them and sharing and hoping for the best, but seems gloomy.
Well, truth is Im not having feelings to use but am certainly feeling lonely and wishing Id had a girlfriend to help me cope. But then again, I know Im not very good company in this mood, so Im accepting that solitude is bliss.
For the first time in my life, in recovery, im facing the fact of my financial decisions and am making an honest appraisal of what were good and bad decisions. Im taking the input from yall here, my auditor, an insurance advisor and am banking heavily on my management education and skills.
In brighter moments I feel like theres sense on what I did, but when calls from credit card people get incessant, I begin to think Im a hopeless, bumbling idiot that is not deserving of success.
This rigmarole is certainly going to take time to sort out and in the meanwhile, I know Im faced with a "CHOICELESS AWARENESS" of the consequences of my addiction, many of which were based on the need for instant gratification and substituting addiction for drugs with other objects. At the root seems to be a desperate need for security,,,,,
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Raman this too shall pass. I promise. I of course understand loneliness. but for me it doesnt make sense. I'm always surrounded by people but I am so lonely. i feel invisible in a sea of people. i have a boyfriend of almost a year when im down and in this kind of mood he doesnt know what to do. he tries i give him that but he jjust doesnt understand and i dont expect him to. doesnt it suck when the past bites you in the future? you are very deserving of success. youve worked so hard for it! everyone i think wants that sense of security. i know i do!
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Talk it out Liz!! (check) know that this will pass(check)get some rest and take a fresh look upon awakening(check) do not be anxious but in all things with prayer and petition bring your concerns before your Higher Power and "a peace that surpasses all understanding will be available" I pray this peace finds you...Good seein ya!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Just wanted to say "HI" and I hope that you are feeling differently. Sometimes as addicts we tend to look on the down side of things, then we begin to feel sorry for ourselves and feel overwhelmed. All it takes to get on the road to relaspe is a single thought that makes us uncomfortable. I've been an addict since I was fifteen and I will be thirty-two at the end of the year, this time around I've been sober since Jan4th of this year. I went through those feeling so many times over and over and it did lead me to relaspe a few times, but I begin to learn when those thoughts or feelings pop into my head to start thinking of the positive things of my life, and as recovering addicts we have alot to be thankful for b/c we could have been one of the many people that died from this disease. I try to keep a journal and when I begin to have bad thoughts I just start to write to get it all out, and I made a list and taped it on the back of the closet door of what I was greatful for in my life. I thought maybe this would help, voicing my feelings is hard for me so sometimes it's easier to write it down. Hope this helps. :)
