Falling, scared, confused.... Welcome !!! At times you will find that most of us here are or have been experiencing those very emotions and many more. The good news about how this part of the deal works is that you can get experience, strength and hope from others through their shares of struggles and triumphs here on this board. The rest of the news is that you need to make a commitment to sobriety, and to work a program of recovery that includes finding out about the 12 steps and how they work (or rather should I say how you work them), with a sponsor. Go to face to face meetings and meet others who can support you in your endeavor. I came here looking for the magic wand cure all that would help me learn to drink & drug like a lady....have since come to grow and know that through the grace of my HP and a 24hr at a time approach to life, I no longer need or desire chemical assistance to help me live my life. Learning that through this forum and the support of my home group and sponsor. God blesses me, one day at a time, with courage, strength, and serenity. I wouldn't trade that for anything. So again, Welcome and I hope you can find some of what you need here to make you want sobriety and recovery 24hrs at a time. Peace

Welcome home Angel,,, recovery hugs to you !!!!!!

Thank you Thank you! lots of good words. One small problem with the meetings. Where I live there is a problem with the na meetings. This sounds unbelievable but its true , seen it with my own eyes.  Most of the meetings consisted of people looking for dope or selling it. In my small town its where people go to score. I was pulled over leaving a meeting and searched. And was told to stay away. My Counseler told me to go out of town for the meetings. Thats an hr away. I was approached by 3 different people asking me if I wanted to score. I ave been reading the aa book but have not aquired an na book as of yet. I have been using off and on for yrs. I realize this time I need more support. Someone to talk to. How do I find a sponser? Haha at the one na meeting I went to a guy said he would be my sponser and he was obviously high. lol blew my mind...Okay here I go again 24 hrs clean.... after screwing up a month long run. You are so very kind. thank you and God Bless!

There's a saying we have that's relevant here: stick with the winners. Look for people who are staying clean and seem to be working a good recovery program. Stay away from people trying to sell you drugs, go to bed with you, etc. Try some more NA meetings. Try some AA too, if that works for you. The main thing is to get out of yourself and find some help.

We are all responsible for our own recoveries, work it to the best of your ability ,continue to share ,keep reaching out and you will find the thing that works for you,,,,,never have we seen a person fail who has worked the program to the best of their ability...Glad you are here,sharing and caring,we need you.,,Keep coming back...Have a blessed and productive day!!~

Congrats on 3 days Clean. One Day at a Time it works! Keep coming back

Falling Angel wrote:

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Question. Someone told me once that there are certain things we are not allowed to talk about. Is this true?

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I'm an addict. Tell me not to and I highly likely might just to see what happens!

We in NA are not thought or speak police. Don't have a clue where they where coming from. Now if in a meeting I'd not suggest talking about a dope dealer or the like in specifics, yeah somebody might jump in and stop you for the protection of the Group and NA as a whole. And it's not really kosher to talk about/for other people telling them how to work their program. We work our own programs, teach by being living examples.

 

-- Edited by Mike M on Saturday 18th of June 2011 09:32:41 AM

Well see now that makes sense...Haha the person that said this seemed to want to keep me out. Dont know why..Okay Cool I can handle that. lol but gee if I cant talk about the problem how do I get help?

Oh Thank you Thank you Thank you. Oh you are awesome. I love your attitude. I thought it was bullshit. Like I said Ive only been to a handfull of na meetings. More aa. And I must say they did leave a bad taste in my mouth. But yet I still always new that is was just some bad apples and timing on my part. The main reason I have not plunged head on is because I thought I could do it with out it. But Ive been lucky to have some determination, Spiritualy full. And some great support. All though not always for my best interest. lol but support none the less. You know people to talk to that understood. Or at least wanted to. But this time not so much support. And my will is weak. Im old and tired hahaha. But Im very very spiritualy filled. As a matter of fact just 3 weeks ago God healed my emotional and debilitating phsycial illness. Its was awesome. Im writting a book called 3 days with God! But anyway. This is the last bit I have to get over. Ive been on pharm dope over a yr. Tons of it. 1 month ago I was taking 90 mgs morephine and 80 to 140 mgs vivodin a day. I was done...Went to doc and started weening. And then 3 wks ago I went cold turkey. Not by choice. God how I had been down this road. I waas so SCARED. Its sucks!!!! Big Time!! I was taking 300 mgs fentenyl patch once went cold turkey. never again....So I found my self on my kness. and the pain is gone. for the last 7 yrs I suffered in a type of my self imposed prison. and bang. I was healed. haha Me a sinner! And I thought It was all over. But god didnt take away the instinct. The addiction...You know? I was almost 30 days. and fuck damn. Now I feel like I spit in Gods face. Like I really didnt deserve what he has done for me. Seriously I cant descibe to you the life ive had for 7 yrs. And it gone...But Im a fucked up human being...

Falling Angel wrote:

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OMG! Im sorry I just realized I totally babbled. I guess I had some shit to say. Seriously I can not ask God to help me again. So Im going to try this na thing and Im juming in with both feet. And Im holding you responsible....haha Im seriously kidding. Typical addict way of thinking though huh? No God healed apart of me Its up to me to do this myself. At least try. So now what? I know I go to the meetings. But how do I get a sponser. What is a sponser? What with they do for me. And Im so scared to get up at those things...I have a morbid fear that they will all point and scream Freak Freak!!! lol j/k... kinda.

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Pardon my french but the hell you can't ask God's help again, and again, AND AGAIN! Who do you think led you to this forum! You think this 57 year old fart has 30 years Clean without the help of a Higher Power I choose to call God! Hell no, I'm Clean by the Grace of God through the Power of NA.

We are people with the disease of addiction, we are sick people, we did bad things in the grip of our addiction, we are not bad people! God never forsook me no matter what I did, I forsook him during active addiction.

And yes you are right, WE must do the footwork, do what ever it takes, the results are in God's hands. And Recovery is Sweet. Life is a joy today.

A sponsor is someone who has what you want in their Recovery. A sponsor isn't your boss. A sponsor helps guide you in this Journey that is Recovery from active addiction. They won't be your savior, they will be your helper. You find your sponsor by attending meetings, sharing and listening to others share their experience, strength and hope. You hear someone you relate to, someone you think who has what you want in their recovery, talk to them after the meeting and ask them to talk about being your sponsor.

My name is Mike, I'm grateful Recovering Addict, Clean One Day at a Time. And I and NA promise you never have to use again if you don't want to and are willing to make the effort to get it. Your posts bring tears to my eyes! Hell I'm nigh on sobbing with joy as I type. Keep coming back.

Edit: Thanks but I'm not really awesome. I'm just an instrument, a messenger. NA and HP are awesome! Be careful not to put anyone on a pedestal as you begin your Journey, it's not good for either.

-- Edited by Mike M on Saturday 18th of June 2011 10:56:17 AM

Hello Angel!! Glad to see you sharing .First WE do this together,one helping another.God knows your heart and your feelings.If you can keep it simple,revert back to that "Power GREATER THAN YOURSELF,at this point it is whatever concept keeps you clean,not about a deity or such,can actually be situational at this point,power of the group.Good OrderLY dIRECTION,spiritual principles of program,something a sponsor may say, someone may share something that makes you aware of some things you will need to work on etc.The only guideline will be that this Power IS LOVING ,CARING AND GREATER THAN YOU..tHOUGH NA IS NOT A RELIGIOUS PROGRAM ,IT IS SPIRITUAL AND ANYONE CAN JOIN US REGARDLESS OF RELIGION OR LACK OF RELIGION,WE ARE A "God" centered program.(25% of our steps actually use the word GOD in them)The difference is its a process of "coming to believe" that restores you to sanity ,not the insanity  of drug use(thats surrendered in first step) but of the mental and spiritual part of our illness,character defects,shortcomings actually any power that controls our lives, food,gambling,sex,self centeredness and on and on.Do not give up on GOD ,but allow the process to help you move forward,day at a time,the only power you need to find is one that helps keep you clean a day at a time,the rest will follow as you continue to show up,get a sponsor ,do some work and give back..Start first with your total "emotional acceptance of utter defeat and keep the drugs put down and be aware of the unmanageability of your life. It can be scary and anxiety ridden but it really comes down to the pain outweighing the pleasure.and what you want to do about it.The healing starts with our 1st step,showing up and getting ready to find a new way of life..Keep coming back,we identify,try and not compare and keeping it on me ,I know I had many of the same feelings when I first showed up....Let us know how its going okay//  babbling definitely allowed here, I am a citizen of BABYLON  :) :)peace

Thank you mikee! What you said was great. Oh i love this. So much good advise. And love and exceptence. haha This is great I see light...  I feel alittle stupid though I know alot of  this stuff, I do. Its just like lost in my head anf I cant find it. lol  Something about hearing it  from someone else makes a difference. And kool about the babble cause I know no other way to talk. hahaha! Can anyone sum up happiness into one word. Its different for everyone. I did it for me it was hard. But I did it. For me true happiness is Freedom.