i dont really know what to say- im new to this whole thing, ive never been to a meeting but i really think its time. i need it to be time, its me an my boyfriend and its really hard to quit because he wont i need strength hes my everything and theres no support. my world is falling apart piece by piece and no one knows except him, i get that i cant do this if he wont so the answers simple but i just want someone in my world to know, my family doesnt my friends dont... i realize its an addiction and i cant help him i can only help myself and i know he isnt helping me so the answer should be easy, he doesnt want me to end this and he knows i dont but he wont quit so i need to make the tough decision, but to be honest i just want it to be over, im tired of seeing him and myself do the shitiest things to get high, the reaction when we cant, im sick of our minds being so corrupted that nothing else matters to the point where we cant even have a real relationship, ive spent more time high with him than not, crack is all we have, our paychecks are gone after one night we cant afford food, rent, to pay my bills, my mom helps with everything, shes wasted so much on me... i hate it, i feel stupid, my brain is so rotted, i want to be a girl again, a happy girl. i want my life back, i want to go get vegan cupcakes with my friends and shop, and forget this all as a bad memory. i want my boyfriend to be clean, i want to see him how he was, i think he hates himself for it because if his life is a quarter as fucked up as mine is, as i see it, that breaks the romantic part of my heart that wants only the best for him, but if my life is a quarters as fucked up as i think it is.... i dont know how im going to get through this, please someone, i want to know how you get through this im so dizzy from this stupid spiral, this insatiable need- i want to know theres an end, i want to be there, ill work my way there but i just want to hear that it does get better i want to talk to someone whos been where ive been whos been through what i been. i feel like every night im just more addicted and im less able to not do it, not have it. ive actually forgotten what lifes like not being addicted to something! what normal people do.
I understand how you feel. I'm sure most of us do. Using is so hard and it takes everyhting from us. You're asking for hope and it can be had easily. I would suggest a meeting. A phone book will have your local hot line number for NA in it. If you call it they can further direct you to a meeting in your area. You can probably also do a google search for a meeting list but I like the phone line. When you get there let the first person who comes up to you know you are new. The rest will fall into place. When I came to NA I knew I needed to stop using because it was a problem. It was taking everyhting from me and destroying my family. I knoew from meetings others had stopped but I still wasn't sure I could. I entered NA for my first time because of a relationship I was in. We both used together but could never stay stopped. NA taught me how to be clean and not just clean but truely happy. I would really suggest you go to a meeting. If your partner won't go you should still go. If you have any questions, just ask. I'm sure someone here can help. Hugs, Jackie
Welcome,your dilemma is not unusual.We always suggest making a meeting(NA)letting them know you are new ,listen,identify and not compare with whats going on,share if you can,and keep showing up.We will love you until you can love yourself...In addiction the ends are always the same,jails ,institutions,deriliction or death>> C,mon in from the storm,we are waiting for ya!! Let us know how its going okay!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
