So prepare, this is gonna be a long one. I'm in a court program to get one of my children back. I opted in to the program right out of detox, before I found NA. Since I've found NA and have been given the tools and the gift of a higher power that I have true unreserved faith in and have accepted his will for me, I have found true recovery. With that being said.... I help start a late night meeting in my town, in my heart it felt like what I needed to do and there wasn't a late night meeting previously. I formally and respectfully asked the courts for a extention of my curfew so I could get a solid home group together to facilitate the meeting, they said no twice. Up to this point I have done nothing wrong, fulfilled every requirement they've asked and done more for myself and my recovery.
I started the meeting anyway. Since the meeting was started there have been three people that have shared openly that, that particular meeting saved their life and couldnt be more greatful for it being there.
I was asked if I attended the meeting by the court on record in front of all the other participants of this program, and I regretfully said no, which was an obvious lie. At the time I felt like I was doing the right thing, because I didnt want to lead the others to think it was ok to go against the courts wishes, and after talking to my social worker for almost a month and getting her support we figured out that the program might not be what I need right now, So I really wasn't trying to do the wrong thing, I thought there was a better time and place to admit that I went.
So a week after this all went down, they were upset I wanted to opt out and decided my punishment would be to convict me of contempt of court and send me to jail. Now no one has ever gone to jail in this particular program so their wanting to make an example of me, which wouldn't be as bad if a week prior the judge got a guy to admit on record that he lied to the courts and he just had to right an essay.
Lastly, there was a program that was going to help me with my move in fees and rent at the oxford house i just moved into, talked to someone at the house and confirmed that they were going to help me. After court this last monday, someone from the court called this guy and said something to him that wasnt true, so he called my house and told them that he never said he was going to help, and then told me that the program helping me will depend on what happens next monday.
Basiclly if I opt out I don't get any help, after he already knew I was going to and I told him what happened in court, he went back on his word and put me in a position where I now have to participate in a program that I have lost all respect for, so that I have a place to live.
I don't know what to do, because I would really like to tell both programs how I really feel about their motives and manipulation behind all this. Any advice?
I don't have any advice. Do you have a sponsor? This would be a good one to talk to him about. My honest opinion is that you have done your own share of lying and manipulation in all this. You decided to break the court's curfew to start the meeting and then you lied about it. I know that starting the meeting was a good thing, but it does not justify breaking the law and lying. I wish you well...keep coming back.
Starting that meeting after being told "no" by the court, and then lying about it was a mistake. Doing so and then justifying it is just another example of the self centered natured of our disease and the power of denial. You decided your will was superior to that of the courts. Clearly, you have not surrendered. I agree with Dave R. now is a great time to find a sponsor who embodies the spiritual principles of NA. I would suggest that you apologize to the court, affirm your determination to stay clean and follow all court orders, and then do so. Thanks for this post, and please keep coming back.
tHANKS FOR SHARING sEAN..i AGREE ,GOOD TIME TO FIND A SPONSOR,DO SOME 10TH STEP WORK AND MOVE FORWARD..wHTA DO WE SAY WE SOMETIMES DO THE RIGHT THING FOR THE WRONG REASON,OR THE WRONG THING FOR THE RIGHT REASON,BUT WE ARE WORKING TOWARD THE RIGHT THING FOR THE RIGHT REASON,glad you here with us..keep coming back........sorry for caps can't write,spell and look at board at same time,progress not perfection here:)
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I figured I probably shouldn't have brought this up here. It really was to long to type that late at night. I paraphrased last night to get it out there, read it this morning and realized there was a lot that I left out. I was dishonest in court, it was justified at the time, I really thought it was the best thing. As far as any other laws broken, there were none. I didn't start a meeting after they told me not too, I asked if they would extend my curfew after I found out I had to be the one locking the building up. I don't have any criminal charges pending as of right now. Sorry I will drop it now, I have gotten the answer to my question through talking to my support group this morning. Thank you for all the support and input.
I do have an amazing sponsor that I did talk to, if I would have explained better you would know why I was still seeking advice.
Ok, I'm glad to learn some more details of the story and glad you have a sponsor. No matter how much clean time we have, we must be mindful of our tendancy for self-deception and rationalization. That's why we need sponsors. I have problems with this too!
I was dishonest in court, it was justified at the time,
First, glad you're Clean, Keep Coming Back. As addicts through our stickin' thinkin' we be supremely good at rationalizations & justifications of our actions. That does not make them right, just justified in our sick minds. My best thinking got me here! My best thinking has not been the primary factor in 30 years worth of One Day at a Times Clean.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Question.....when is a support group not a support group? Answer.......when they co-sign your bullshit. Maybe that's not the case here, but I see it all the time. People can mistake being supportive for agreeing at any cost. And sometimes the cost is dear indeed. I wish you well Sean. Come around and post again sometime.
Three of these principles are indispensible: HONESTY, OPEN-MINDEDNESS, AND WILLINGNESS.....................
A lie, especially in court, is rarely justified if we're working a program.
If they told you "no," they told you for a reason. It wasn't a permanent "no," but as addicts we want it WHEN we want it and WE WANT IT NOW! More often than not, to get priviledges with the court system, we need to prove that we deserve it.
Many of us came into the program on a short (paper) leash. I don't know, but I see bullshit everywhere I go. Call me the devils advocate.
A little patience and following direction got me 4 years clean.
Honesty, Open mindedness, willingness, NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO CHANGE THEM, they are the principles that Narcotics Anonymous was founded on. Granted we need meetings but we do not need meetings so bad that they are started with lies, I would say talk to your sponsor and stick to the truth, lies will breed like cock roaches.
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Take my will and ny life guide me my recovery show me how to live
