Ok..I've been around a few 24 hours and I'm still having a time with this..I understand the concept of that statement, that we are not responsible for how another person feels...but.. (always a but right? =) ....there was a situation in which something was said in a meeting that was very insensitive to another person...this bothered me and I discussed it with my sponsor..I'm aware that if I say something a certain way that it has the potential to hurt someones feelings and in that I feel I hold a certain amount of responsibility for how that person feels at that point...my sponsor disagrees..her view is basically say what you have to say and if it hurts another person, that's on them....the reason I'm having such difficulty with this is because I've seen many newcomers walk out of a meeting because they've caught a resentment over something that was said in a harsh abrasive manner...I remember as a newcomer the feeling of unconditional love I felt and had I encountered what I've seen lately, my thoughts would be "I can get treated like crap out there..why come in here and get it"...I asked her where the 'love and tolerance' was and her response was coldly " If people give me the power to run them out that's on them"...I need some input on this because it is not sitting well with me..
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Carrying the message of hope and freedom from active addiction to the addict who still suffers.
This "tough love" crap is often used to justify being abusive and acting out our disease in the name of recovery. Right now some meetings by me are going through this. A dominant figure in the rooms has decided that calling people on their shit is his duty, and what used to be positive meetings characterized by love, tolerance, and acceptance are now hostile forums for verbal assaults. Is it any wonder that attendance is down? Meetings are like people, they have moods, and they have phases but they pass. This will in time, but untill it does I'm choosing meetings other than my homegroup to regularly attend.
That is exactly what is going on here...the dominiant figures(s) are my sponsor and her husband..so when I spoke with her about my feelings on how I felt..she took it as a personal attack on her husband..she couldn't separate her roles of sponsor and wife. After praying on it relentlessly, it left me looking for another sponsor. A bit sad over it but thats where the selfishness of the program comes in...either we grow or go and I'm not going anywhere..recovery comes first and I know how I don't want to leave people feeling.
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Carrying the message of hope and freedom from active addiction to the addict who still suffers.
