Alright, i'm new to this message chat thing for NA so bare with me. My sponser told me that before I start writing on step 4, read read read the literature and talk to other people and see what advice they have on step 4....so here I am please fellow recovering addicts, share with me your wisdom
Hi Holly and welcome! The best advice I can give is what my sponsor told me and what I tell my sponsees...it's an honest moral inventory..were only as sick as our secrets so don't hold anything back..and it's not just an inventory of the bad..it's also an inventory of the good..keep that in mind..were not bad people trying to get good..were sick people trying to get well =)
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Carrying the message of hope and freedom from active addiction to the addict who still suffers.
make sure that you have a place that you keep your fourth step that no one knows about. This is no one business but yours and who you want to share it with. whatever you do don't relapse!!!!!!! during this step. I have seen that and it makes matters much much worse! Hopefully you have chosen a sponsor with integrity you don't need the stuff to haunt you. Good luck and pray pray pray and write write write also make sure you destroy it after your done.
Fearless comes from trusting in your Higher Power,ask God in and let it roll.Searching will come from praying and knowing everything must come into the light for you to have freedom from the wreakage of your past. As my spiritual writings tell me "that there is no temptation except what is common to man" in other words you havent done anything that hasn't most likely been done before.Our Higher Power forgives us when we are honest and ask to be released of the pain.Remember we have assets and liabilities,you will most likely find the repitition of some things'exact nature' of some of things that went on. I highly suggest not thinking of step 5 (admitting)when doing this,or you may leave stuff out...Great job,I am excited for you, the freedom and release is overwhelming after we take these steps and we will come back to this again,but by a daily inventory each day the overwhelming years of wreakage will have been addressed.Stay close with your sponsor if you have difficulties..AWESOME ,GO GET IT!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
What I tell sponsees (especially those like me who are ultra-perfectionists to a fault), start writing and don't look back. Even if you repeat yourself 4 times over. If it repeats, then there's a reason for that.
Keep in mind the motivations behind behaviors as it will help you reveal character defects in step 6. It's all about the patterns.
Do I do this because of fear? To be liked by others? To push away my feelings? Things like that.
I found that making a format in the beginning to follow helped me (miss organizational freak). What I can remember is that it included: explanation of resentment/behavior (very short), how it affected myself and others, what feelings came up, what were my motivations behind it, etc.
Talk with your sponsor on how to go about it. For me, I needed structure. I ended up having pages of brain-puke inbetween, but always went back to the format.
Do what works for you! Just keep writing and DON'T LOOK BACK!
I suggest you write about all of the resentments you have now, and have been major parts of your life. Then write the story of your life that is important to you now, things you still carry, things that shaped you, things that happened to you.
Then do an inventory, like you are walking around a store checking off the products on the shelves. One method is to pull the (is it 17?) short comings list out of the basic text and describe how you have these faults. Then pull the list of assets and describe how you have these. If you have trouble seeing any pluses in your inventory, you can ask others what they see. You can also look up the words in winkpedia and go to their historic roots, and you may get some more material.
Then...write about your deepest secrets that you have no desire to share with anyone. No inventory is complete if you are keeping something out. Be honest WITH YOURSELF. And don't even think about sharing it, this is the 4th step, not the 5th!!
PS And try to put a steno pad where you can keep it hidden, but get to reguraly, and schedule time in your day when you can do it, even if it's 5 minutes. You don't need to do it every day, but you need to know you are skipping it, so perhaps next day, you will just do it!
I too will soon be doing my first ever 4th step, and all of what has been shared here has been suggested to me. Don't think, just write. Read the Basic Text and use the workbook. Be sure to include the good along with the bad. Be honest. And if you miss something the first time, you can catch it the next time. Step four is one of those steps I hear people say they have to do regularly in order to maintain their recovery. Good luck and Peace.
pray for the willingness to be honest. follow the workbook faithfully.........leave no stone unturned. My denial was working full blast while I was working this step. then one night I had a rage dream....I mean a heart pounding sweat pouring murderous rage dream. My denial of a whole slew of resentments slammed me. It was a huge release. I think step 4 is the single most significant life changing event i have ever had. go for it. I know it can be a little scary to face your demons but it can lift the weight of the world off your back
