We had a "meeting of the minds" last night with 10 women at Perkins. We are starting a women's NA meeting in our town next week and did some finalizing of details.This was fantastic.
Then someone made the comment about wanting to use the group instead of getting a sponsor (in so many words). I was taken aback by the comment. That connection with ONE other woman has been a huge source of strength for me. I wish everyone else had that experience... and this is my beef... Within these 10 women: 2 are sponsees of mine, one other has a sponsor, and I have a sponsor. 4 out of 10 have sponsors. I see a problem with this...
Points raised:
How can you point out your own self-deception?
What does this show the newcomer when all these women raise their hands and are willing to sponsor, but don't have sponsors themselves?
How can you take a woman through steps you've never worked yourself?
(the kicker) There's no reason why anyone should be without a sponsor, even in rural Minnesota!
A women's meeting isn't here to foster gossip, talk about periods, men-bash... it's just a NA meeting whose population happens to be women - to foster unity, sponsorship, and a comfortable place for women to share freely.
Well, I did it.I pissed some people off.Not because what I said was vengeful, mean, or otherwise said with bad intentions, but because I SAID THE TRUTH!Its so weird saying whats right and that whole 'not caring who likes me afterward' thing is still pretty raw.I want to apologize for saying the truth!How effed up is that?
My sponsees were beaming ear to ear the whole way through, knowing theyre doing the dang thing. :)
(sidenote)
We live in a small town and I, personally, had to drive outside of town to find a sponsor that has more clean time AND is working the NA steps. Two attend ASC meetings regularly in a larger town with LOTS of recovery, and another two drive 30 miles one way to go to a meeting (primarily men in attendance), but refuse to drive 30 miles in the other direction where there's a woman with 28 years clean that's willing to sponsor. Go-figure.
These women give every excuse in the book as to WHY they don't have sponsors, but how many of them ever bothered really looking? Or, heaven forbid, since so many of them are "double dippers," ask someone in AA!
Any excuse to not work a program leads to every excuse to use, in my book...
OOoooooooooooh oh ummmmmmmmmmm Ok...Thanks for the rant...a good vent does wonders for us all. Here's my take. I agree with what you said about sponsorship. It's a one to one connection. using a group as a sponsor will inevitably lead to shopping around to different group members untill you find the one that will cosign your bullshit. Then possibly arguments among the "sponsors" as to whose suggestions are best. I see no good from this. NONE. How can someone accept the responsibility of being a sponsor when they won't trust another in that role? No...to be a sponsor you should have a sponsor...to work the steps with another you must have worked them yourself. That part is easy. the difficult part is this notion of "The truth" I automaticially recoil when some one...anyone, claims to be the spokesperson for THE TRUTH. I see no humility in that. I see "I am right and you are wrong" in that. I can't help but wonder if what pissed people off was not so much what you said (after all it's hard to argue with the points you made) but rather how you said it. By proclaiming your words to be The Truth you sent a message that anyone with a different opinion is either a fool or a liar. Not a great way to make a point. I admire the work you do and I read all of your posts with great interest. You really have something to say and have courage that i truly admire. peace
Thanks for sharing that Amanda and freeing yourself!! Yup we are only the messengers,we carry the message but are powerless over who receives it...Even if nothing changes with these others,im sure some of the "truth" will stick..I would only suggest the ingraining of our1st tradition,PERSONAL RECOVERY DEPENDS ON NA UNITY. I agree with what you say and feel ,and we know we can agree to disagree without being disagreeable(sounds like what was going on) writings tell us.... " we must live and work together as a group to ensure that in a storm our ship does not sink and our members do not perish" Man,I think some of the best teachings of perserverance,tolerance and discernment for me has taken place in business meetings with a group of homegroup members!!yikes,,,I want to scream,but where I used to scream I now only speak a little loudly...progress for this addict! Good job Amanda I can feel your zeal for the fellowship,don't let it make you crazy,if it ain;t spiritual it ain;t practical and God will take care of it...........2cents from the peanut gallery@!!!Have a blessed and productive day!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hmmm, good point. I forget about the hard and fast terms...
"the truth" i was referring to was "the truth" within myself and in my feelings. I tend to hide behind the lies of people-pleasing antics. "Oh I'm fine, you're fine, everything's fine" is one of the worst lies I can ever tell.
The coments and questions I made were the things I found lacking... the lack of sponsorship. I never really mentioned "the truth" until this morning, writing this.
I spoke of personal experience, things I saw, and solutions to the problems. I was always told never to bring up a problem to a group unless you had possible solutions. I told these gals that I attend the ASC meetings and we usually have room for extra passengers if anyone wants to ride with, I mentioned that I'd asked a few gals from outside of town to come by for the meeting who will be potential sponsors, and left the rest to them.
We're lazy and procrastinating people most of us not everyone is going to go to the same lengths you have so becareful about being judgemental of others on that note, I do it myself, expecting others to do as I do but most do as i have done LOL then maybe one day they get it and do as I do but do I always do as I should? hell no LOL.
I'd say if the woman who haven't worked the program as willing to help others work that program its probably a good opportunity for them to have someone to work the program TOGETHER with, even if they're newcomers, though thats not really how its supposed to go .
Service teachs, i've heard it said over and over that the sponsor often gets more out of sponsorship then the sponsee and sometimes that sponsor is the one who remains clean and sober, few sponsees get it thats just the thruth as you put it amanda.
It's all about attraction and not a lot of promoting, you offered to help others now leave it at that without expectations and see what they do, let God work on them molding and changing them dont play God.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make her drink. By all means, advocate for what you believe is right but don't expect others accept it. People who don't have sponsors eventually discover the hard way (e.g. relapse, suffering) why getting a sponsor is strongly suggested.
