I hope I'm posting in the right place...I know how message board etiquette can be! To give a little background, I'm a female in my late 20s, married to a wonderful man and I have the best life anyone could ask for.
I've suffered from depression and anxiety since the age of 12 and have been on every medication for both under the sun. A couple of years ago, I discovered the joys of narcotics, particularly percocet and vicodin. The effects they had on my mood were incredible, I had the motivation to do anything and just popping a couple and they made my personality pop.
I realized last summer that I had a problem when I was cut off from my PCP (after blowing through bottles of 30 percs in 3 days week after week) and decided to check out an outpatient facility for counseling and suboxone. I did ok for a few months but decided to discontinue to suboxone because of numerous side effects. Now, because of the prescription management program (or something with a similar name), all doctors I visit ask about the Suboxone scripts that come up in my medical history.
I recently had a medical procedure and blew through a bottle of pills and had 4 blissful days, and now all I can think about is how I'm going to get more pills. I feel as though when I get into a depressive slump, the only thing that can get me out is a few pills.
Thank you for listening. I have the perfect life from the outside but I am truly suffering on the inside. Any advice or similar stories would be appreciated.
Thank you for sharing this. You may find this hard to believe but your story is not unique. In this modern life, anxiety and depression are common, and commonly treated with addictive medications. Your foray into the world of opiates is made easy these days by doctors and their prescription pads. No need to go to the worst part of town to by those nasty street drugs from scary looking dudes. A visit to our medical doctor and we can get all the good stuff. Untill it turns ugly. Addiction is a progressive disease that ends in jails, institutions, or death. I know your story well. I had emtional problems and sought relief through doctors and then the streets. I went to college, got a masters degree, was married, had a house, cars, 2 beautiful children, and a respected career. but I also had a dirty litte secret. I was a drug addict. I became more and more obsessed with the getting and using and finding the ways and means to get more. I became isolated, withdrawing from family and friends. I lied, and deceived, I cheated on my wife and went into rages if my behaviors were questioned. All my troubles were someone elses' fault. My mood swings were terrifying rides from the highest highs to the lowest lows. I became paranoid and delusional. My world was shattering, i was spinning out of control and nothing was going to stop it. Untill i got arrested. Then my world collapsed around me. I had serious charges and faced prison. I lost everything. Career (and as a licensed professional I also lost the ability to ever resume my career), wife, home, I was broke, bankrupt, and went to jail. I could not face anyone. The biggest pain was looking into the faces of my children and seeing their pain, disbelief and shattered faith. I became suicidal. I was a shell of person using off and on for 13 more years. then i found the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. I found hope and a new way to live. I have remarried, I'm retired now, but I found and built another career. I danced at my daughters wedding and can look my son in the eye with no more remorse. "The solution is in the steps".........The 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous saved me from a life of despair, regret, and fear. My life is better than I ever imagined it could be after my crash and burn. Please...go to NA.org and find a meeting near you. Call the help line and tell the person who answers your story and ask for some women to get in touch with you. You are not alone. Others have walked in your shoes and come out of the darkness and into the light. Together we can do what we never could do alone. Let us share with you our experience strength and hope It works......Your life can be better. Our message is hope, our promise is freedom. Peace.
Welcome to MIP! We are here for wach other ,one addict helping another in a loving and caring manner.We suffer from the disease of addiction,a physical ,mental and spiritual illness that overtakes all areas of our lives.Your in a good spot,you have reached our 1st step,admission of your powerlessness and unmanageability over your drug use and life in general!You can stop fighting,with the surrender and join us in living a new way of life,a day at a time.No judgements here,no big I's or little U's, we are share the same problem addiction.Our stories are our own but we can identify with the suffering and pain addiction brings in our lives and all around us..So glad you found us here,stick around,take some direction and suggestions and find a way to live better than any you have knwn!!Keep coming back,share from your heart we need you,because we keep what we have by giving it away!!(I use big fonts cause i ddont see the little fonts that well :)
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi HavingTrouble, welcome you have definately come to the right place. I hope that you take Avids advice and find a ftf meeting close to where you live. You will find all the information you need to get clean and stay clean, all you need to do is take the first step through the doors of NA...........
Your story could be me talking or if you heard me talking, you would say, "Huh!!! How does she know all that about me?" I too "discovered the joys of narcotics" when I was prescribed them for chronic pain due to rheumatoid arthritis. At first, I took them as prescribed, only as needed. Then I found that I liked them much more than I needed them, and over a period of time, became addicted, and needed them, but not for pain control. I lived from refill to refill for several years. Over the last year or so, I started to drink to give me the high when I was out of pills, waiting for the next refill date. So now I have not only a pill problem, but a blossoming drinking problem as well.A few months ago, I found myself sitting in my living room, crying to my husband after yet another round of lies about my use, saying "I am an addict. I need help." Even then, I signed into treatment, started group, and thought after a couple of weeks that I could "control" my use. Well, within 48hrs I was being told that I had a choice to make. I could use or or I could stop. But if I wanted to continue to use, I had to find another place to live, and leave my son. My son is 18yrs old and severely autistic. It had occured to me that I may lose my marriage as a result of my use, but never my son. I made a choice. I wanted to get clean and sober for ME. It would hopefully benefit my husband and my son, but I needed to do it for myself. I could no longer live with the guilt and the shame and what I thought were my secrets of alcohol and drugs. Part of my treatment plan was 2 face to face AA or NA meetings a week. I tried to avoid them at all costs. I DO NOT NEED NA or AA. NOT ME. Well, I went because I needed to hand in a slip signed saying I was there. Funny thing happened. I found the experience , strength, and more than anything the hope I needed to consider living my life free from drugs of any type, including alcohol. I go to a meeting at least daily, and am coming up on 90 days next week. I do it one day at a time, with the help of others like me, who have reached out their hands and said "We're here to help" So the help is there if you want it. Go to a meeting. Give it a try. Good luck. Peace
I have the sAme problem! I just recently started suboxone therapy and so far it seems to be working. I still have ALOT of cravings for pills. Just pop one and I'll be energized and ready to tackle anything that needs to be done that day! I need help with my state of mind I guess when I get a little tired or stressed. I know I can't relay on pills anymore especially bc I have 2 kids and I would never want thinking about pills affect me taking care of them.
