As the founder and webmaster of Miracles In Progress I want to extent a personal "Thank You" to each of you for valuing and utilizing the CoDA portion of our site.
As we grow in our recoveries from alcoholism, addiction, or being a family member of a loved one who suffers from this disease, we will learn that we have developed many relationship skills that don't work. We will hold on when we need to let go, and let go when we need to hold on. We will find that we have played the role rescuer or the one always needing to be rescued. Many of us vacillated between the two so often that we don't really know how to identify our role in the relationships around us. Our sense of purpose was defined by our ability to rescue, and our sense of being loved and valued was affirmed by those that did the rescuing. We have learned communication skills that do not work. We tend to say "Yes" when what we really want and need to say is "No", and we say "No" when we should be open to what was being presented with a "Yes". We have spent years trying to "read" people and situations as we entered a room to determine how we would feel, act, and think. I was once told that, "when you have to measure the mood of your mate upon waking in the morning, to determine what kind of day you were going to have, you are probably codependent".
Being codependent is about power and control. Giving up what is rightfully ours and/or trying to obtain what isn't ours. It is based solidly in the fear of not getting what we need or losing what we have. It doesn't work. This same fear will keep us from being able to get our own needs met or have the ability to meet the needs of others in effective and healthy ways.
Today we are on a journey of discovery and recovery. Being a recovering codependent is inclusive, not exclusive. That means the focus of how we interact with the world around us is our aim. And we can learn how to not get caught in the codependent traps of those we love.
I wish each of you a journey that brings understanding, compassion, and peace. To yourselves and those whose lives your life touches.
