Hi Family, I've been clean for a while, but recently moved to a new area. I've obtained a new homegroup here. I like the meeting but the member chant wildly during the readings, cross-talk & put other members on the spot during open discussion meetings. We are having a buisness meeting soon & I'd like to address these issues. However; being new, clean for a while, I don't want to come across as a "know it all' or "control freak" but I really think this behavior disrupts the atmosphere of recovery. Does anyone have any knowledge of literature on this issue?
-- Edited by recoveryblonde on Saturday 19th of March 2011 02:49:16 PM
it is a respect thing and not unreasonable to squash crosstalk o would like to hear the person shareing don't wait say it right then take it outside or hush up
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some of us win some of us lose with god and this program i will be a winner
Cross-talk should be avoided. People need to feel safe when they share at meetings, not like people are going to jump on them as soon as they share. NA is not group therapy. We share our experience with comments directed at the group as a whole. Yes, bring this issue up with your home group.
I HATE CHANTING!!! People call me the NA Nazi. I just don't tolerate it. We have 2 meetings that don't do it because it really detracts from the readings and the seriousness of what's being said. Its life or death for a lot of us. I have a newsletter article someone wrote about this that I can post when I get home. It pulls in traditions and everything.
Crosstalk is totally unacceptable. Meetings need to be a safe place for people to share... not a place where people are worried about what they're saying.
Solutions:
1. Ask people to put themselves in the eyes of a timid newcomer, scared out of their mind attending their first meeting. Is this the best way to carry the message? We only give experience, strength, and hope. Not you shoulds and advice. It a process of trying something new.
2. If people are unwilling to change, start a new meeting. In the chairpersons reading, stress that there will be no crosstalk, please remain silent during the readings out of respect for the group. That's what we did and our two meetings are thriving, well attended, and strong!
recoveryblonde,I would attend the business meeting and state you point.I know I don't like chanting at meetings.I don't think it is a good image for the newcomers.Most formats say please have respect for others while sharing and that means while doing readings.Just remember NA is a we fellowship , that means we all are equal,everyones voice should be heard at business meetings.I have been doing service for six plus years ,group level ,regional,Area Board of Directors.Some people think that if you chair or are gsr's they get control issues.That is where we are all equal,no matter what.
I'm not sure what she means. In meetings in our area, people often add or reinforce things during the introductory readings. For example, when it says "Alcohol is drug" many people say this one all together. Or in the "Just for Today" reading people will all together say "Just for Today." Sometimes when it says "You are a member when you say you are" people will shout out, "I am!" Etc. I don't find this type of stuff offensive, but it can get distracting if there is too much of it.
Yes thanks Dave,,, this issue is not cryptic anymore... Ive been in areas that had a staid audience when thins were read out... In others, like you said, certain parts of what was being read was said out loud....
Fellowship, friendship, bonhomie and celebration of recovery is what the joy of livin is all about.. Im glad Id had a sponsor that'd said "Dont take yourself too damn seriously"
So I didnt... I still check myself when I being inventorying others behaviours and sharings in meetings...
Now all that said, local protocol and that particular groups conscience will decide whats appropriate and what isnt.............. Seems like each area has a culture and each group a sub-culture within which Group Conscience operates.
The problem is,,,, how to know the difference between group conscience and group opinion ? The latter one is that which causes lot of unnecessary arugement, prolonged angry debate and acrimony,,, thereby distracting newer members....
In my area, where Im now, meeting chair usually cautions members that may drift or be too voiceferous to "please lets maintain an atmosphere of recovery"
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
From a friend in recovery that was later published in our ASC's newsletter:
"I got clean in Wisconsin in 1988. We did the readings out of the little white books and didn't read the second half of the traditions. Just stopped after "principles before personalities." The first time I encountered the "chanting" was at WSNAC. It was something that was done as more of a celebratory thing, a fun thing that happened at conventions. That was it.
Fast forward to the mid 90's. One of the meetings I attended in Oshkosh had something happen. When the person was reading the Just for today reading, a couple of people thought it was cool to say it along with them cuz they had it memorized. Then it was four people, and needless to say, pretty soon the whole group (60+) was saying the Just for Today reading in unison. I was a little creeped out by it, but kept my peace.
After a couple more weeks, one of the guys who started N.A. in Oshkosh came to the meeting. When it got to that part he flat out blew a gasket. Shut it right f*kin down right there and then. The point of his message was that this is a spiritual, not religious program and that if they wanted to do responsive readings they should go to church. It didn't happen anymore, and the other crap hadn't caught on yet.
Fast forward again, past my relapse, to 2005. I had attended a few meetings here in St. James and was going off on a service call with the guy who started the meeting here in town. One of the first things I asked him since I had his undivided attention was "When did all this cheerleading start?" He had gotten clean in Iowa and said "Always". I said nooo. uh-uh, not always. Anyway, we talked about it at our meeting and decided to stop doing it, just lead by example. Mankato has it right in their chairperson outline, to please observe silence during the readings, respect recovery.
And to me, those two things sum it up. When something is done all the time, it is done "religously" and it states right in the reading "We do Recover" that we are a spiritual, not religous program. And respect. Most of the stuff being said makes a mockery of the words. (Oh MY?) and sick sick sick sick sick belittles the whole disease concept. and on and on.
I've heard from many people that when they went to a meeting where they didn't chant that the words in the readings finally started to make sense to them and they were finally able to get some perspective on the process. The only thing I can remember from my first meeting all those years ago was identifying with every word of "Who is an addict" The readings matter and should be treated with respect. Just my opinion of course.
The readings are there primarily for the newcomer. They are an explanation of who, what, why and how the program works. For me, they snap me out of wherever I'm at in my head, back to that church basement in Neenah WI when I was brand new, and they remind me of my identification with the whole deal.
I hope that helps. I was raised in the lutheran church. They do responsive readings. I don't like it. I don't go to church, unless I'm at my parents and they ask me to go with them.
When I first got clean, if it had been done, I probably wouldn't have stayed clean because I had a huge resentment against anything religous. I'm still not a religous person, but N.A. has taught me I can communicate with my H.P. without the other stuff. If it chases one newcomer out......
Also, lastly, if it was meant to be in there, it would be in the literature somewhere. It isn't. We as addicts love to "fix" things. Especially the things that aren't broken. Our basic text has been changed 6 times. The italliscized parts though, the readings, have never changed."
I don't think "chanting", "responsive readings" etc. makes a meeting a religious event. To me, religion involves a specific concept of a higher power with specific doctrines about the soul, sin, immortality, heaven, etc. NA has none of that and "chanting" doesn't do that either. We say the serenity prayer at the beginning and close of every meeting (in my area). Religions say prayers. But I don't think saying the serenity prayer makes a meeting religious.
What I find potentially troubling about "chanting" etc. is that it can distract from the NA message be confusing to the newcomer. I am all in favor of people expressing their enthusiasm for recovery in various ways but we must keep in mind that the main goal is to carry the message of recovery.
